Belong
by Kasumi Hayashibara
Summary: COMPLETE! Akira and Hikaru are together, but there are insecurities still separating them. What will they do to overcome this obstacle? Or will they call it quits? AKIHIKA!
1. Uneasiness

What am I thinking? Starting another story when my SasuNaru fic is still unfinished?

Well, no worries. The truth is, I wrote this fic about 2 years ago. Before our computer was reformatted, I had backed it up in a CD but forgot where I put it. And now, after tiding up, I found it again. So technically, this _is_ my first fanfic, and an AkiHika one to boot!

I thought I might share it everyone. It's a multi-chapter one, but I don't know if I'll post the other chapters. I mean, this seems to stand alone, even though it's angst and depressing.

Anyway, it's kind of based from an AkiHika doujinshi made by one of my favorite Hikago doujin mangaka – Gyarandoh! Hope you enjoy it!

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**BELONG**

**Chapter One: Uneasiness**

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I awoke to another cold morning in my apartment. That's no surprise. Winter is almost near. But what made me feel the cold wasn't the climate. It was because of a certain person -- a person who was currently lying in my bed.

Shindou Hikaru…

I brushed a few strands of his golden bangs away from his face. The sight of him sleeping peacefully in between my sheets was captivating, most especially in the morning that followed a night filled with ardent passion. I didn't know for how long I gazed at him, but when my eyes fell on the alarm clock, it was already thirty minutes past seven. I usually get up no later than six so I quickly pushed the blankets away from me and got up.

I rummaged through the drawers looking for a change of clothes, as the ones I wore last night lay disheveled and wrinkled on the floor, cast aside during last night's intensity. I looked back at his sleeping form one more time before leaving the room.

Down the hallway, I noticed a trail of clothes that led to the living room. It took me moment to register in my head that it was Shindou's clothes. I suddenly remembered that the "contact" started in the living room.

We were playing Go as usual when I suddenly had the urge to touch him. It started with an innocent kiss until it eventually escalated to something more. I would've done him at the floor right then and there, but he kept protesting how hard the floor is, so I dragged him into the bedroom, while discarding pieces of his constricting fabric.

And the rest is history.

I sighed. He'd most definitely want his clothes the moment he wakes up. I picked each of them up, folded it neatly and placed them on top of the dresser next to the bed. The sound of his breathing sent a heavy feeling to my heart.

I went into the kitchen and began to make breakfast. It had become a daily ritual to me ever since the day I moved to this apartment. This kind of ritual often gave me the impression that we were a married couple. But I knew that our relationship was a far cry from that.

I never really understood it—the feelings that Shindou makes me go through. We had been seeing each other more often. Most of the time, it's no longer about playing Go. Lately, we haven't even been able to finish a decent game since it'd always lead to "other" things.

Only he could possibly make me feel this way.

But…

Whenever I look into his eyes, there lies a secret that I cannot grasp. Something painful that he keeps hidden from the rest of the world. He doesn't say anything about it to me. But I know it's there. And the fact that he doesn't tell me hurts me a lot.

It makes me feel like there's a wall existing between us.

A cold wall…

Eight o'clock. He still hasn't come out. Maybe he's still asleep. I decided to go get him, pushing my heavy thoughts aside.

"Shindou, are you up?" I called from the door. But I stopped when I saw him dressing up.

"Ah, Touya!" he looked at me nonchalantly. "Is breakfast ready?"

"Y-Yeah," I stammered as I watched him zip up his pants. To think out of the number of times we made love, I'd have already gotten used to the sight of him naked, let alone half-naked. Nevertheless, the sight of his bare chest and small shoulders roused something inside me.

I suddenly got the urge to ask something that I have wanted to ask for a long time.

"Shindou…"

He stopped short from picking up his shirt.

"What?"

He was waiting for me to continue, but I began to falter. The topic always seemed like something very fragile so I was pondering how I should say it.

"Earth to Touya! Sheesh! If you're not gonna say anything…"

"Shindou!" I interrupted before he could finish. He jerked in surprise.

"I want to know something…" I was finally going to say it.

"What?" he asked, sitting down on the bed.

I needed to be tactful on this. I took another moment of silence, and his face began to contort in irritation.

"Whatever!" he reached out for his shirt and then draped it around his shoulders.

I knew that what I want to know might open an old wound. But I needed to know. It's very important that I know.

I grabbed hold of one of his hands that were busy closing the buttons of his shirt.

"Touya?"

I felt my bangs fall against my face, covering my eyes. "I know this isn't something I should be asking now," I spoke.

"Then what is it?" he asked, his eyes flaring up. "If you have something to say then just say it!" I leaned down and kissed him on the lips. It was brief and innocent. Afterwards, I met his gaze. His eyes were filled with much confusion. I probably had a very serious expression on my face by now.

"I can think of you as mine, right?" I asked as if wanting to confirm.

His brows knit together and his face suddenly turned bright red. "T-That's fine! I already told you before that you could!"

With the tone of his voice, I didn't know if he blushed because of embarrassment or because of anger.

"Then… Am I yours…?"

At the sound of that question, he suddenly stiffened, and his eyes widened in shock.

"Am I yours, Shindou?" I leaned in a bit closer, waiting for a reply. A few seconds ticked by and none came. I ran my fingers on his exposed collarbone as a silent anxiety ran through me.

"You've accepted me and allowed me touch you like this…" I continued, tilting his head upward to meet my gaze. I kissed him again, this time harder and deeper. "But it's kind of strange," I said the moment the kiss ended. "The closer I am to you, the more distant it feels. What must I do to convey my feelings to you?"

"Touya," he lowered his head and I had to kneel down in order to see his eyes. "Why are you suddenly asking these things?"

"It's not sudden," I replied, my arms cornering him at the edge of the bed. "It's been on my mind for a long time now."

I felt his hands upon my neck, massaging it. And then it moved to the back of my head, stroking my hair. He leaned forward and kissed me. His tongue darted out, licking my lips. I obliged and allowed him to enter my mouth, mixing his taste with mine. Something about that kiss roused me, and I knew it was a matter of time before my body took control.

"No, Shindou," I managed to break it before my instincts took charge. "Even if we have sex, it won't get resolved, right?"

I lifted myself so that I was the one looking down on him, still seated on the bed. "Please answer," I almost purred into his ear, my hot breath tickling him. I licked his ear lobe sensually as one of my hands began to roam his body lower… and lower…

"Shindou," I softly whispered, " Am I yours?"

His hands that were trembling the whole time suddenly found strength to push me away. "Let me go!!" he shouted forcefully. This act caught me by surprise. I looked at him, waiting for an explanation, but instead he fumbled with his shirt, buttoning it up. This irritated me to no end.

Shindou made a motion to get up, but I pushed him back down on the bed forcefully. I gripped both his wrists tightly, pinning them on both sides of his head. "Touya… it hurts," he murmured.

_Is that all you have to say?_

Anger was beginning to boil up inside me and I allowed it to take over.

"ANSWER ME!!" I was already demanding.

His eyes turned away from me. "It's none of your business."

My frown became deeper. I raised both of his wrists above his head so that I could pin them both down with my right hand. I cupped his chin with my left hand and forced him to look at me.

"It _is_ my business!" I snapped. "It's about me! I'm asking you my worth to you and that's all you have to say to me?"

I placed my knee in between his legs, forcing them to part, massaging the lower area of his body.

"Tou—" he breathed as he felt the motion.

I closed the gap between us and began to trail kisses down his neck, kissing and nibbling his skin. The hand that had clutched his chin now replaced the knee that was enticing his shaft. Through the jeans I could feel that he were slightly getting aroused.

He arched his head backwards and let out a groan. In response, I licked the edges of his chin and continued to kiss him violently.

_Just having you beneath me is enough to send sensations through my body._

Along with it came an intense desire to claim him.

"Touya… wait…"

He struggled against my grasp, but my body was now in full control. My left hand stopped stroking the growing bulge in his pants, and strained to release the button and pull down the zipper.

I stopped kissing him and looked at him with a glow of dominance. My hand finally slid inside him and began to stroke his arousal. He wasn't as turned-on as he was last night, but if I continued…

"Ah… fuu…" he breathed and looked at me with half-lidded eyes.

"Shindou…" I spoke, my voice remaining firm but pleading at the same time. "I should know you better than anyone else. What are you so afraid of?"

With my left hand still pumping him, I used the other hand to try and remove his pants. But in doing so, I had released his wrists. Gripping my shoulders, he pushed me off him with full force. I was surprised that he was able to send me flying to the other side of the room.

Even without looking at him, I could feel his intense glare. He muttered some curses, and fixed his clothes hurriedly then stomped off towards the door. He stopped, turned back at me and, with an icy glare, shouted, "Screw you, Touya Akira!"

Afterwards, he walked away from my sight. I heard the front door open then close with a loud thud. With a heavy sigh, I flopped down on the bed that still had Shindou's scent from last night's passion. The memory of his warm body throbbing against mine remained fresh.

"Really, Shindou," I chuckled. "You always do what you please."

I brought a hand to my face, obscuring the look of anguish I had.

Shindou…

Before I met you, I never knew of such feelings. If I had never met you, I wouldn't have to go through so much pain. If I weren't so drawn to you… then I would be spared from this agony.

Can you even understand this uneasiness I feel?

The breakfast I made lay on the table… cold and forgotten…

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To be continued...

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So how was it? Liking AkiHika or wanting me to update my SasuNaru fic?

Well, Boracay was great! I even got a tan! I'll be updating **Reunion of Hearts** by tomorrow or tonight, as soon as I have it up on my computer.

Please review!


	2. Cold Glare

Well, I decided to post the next chapter after all. I'll post the next one when I feel like it, although some reviews will help make it quicker. (Is that bribery or what?)

Enjoy your dose of AkiHika!

Another thing, I can't believe I forgot to put the disclaimer the first time! I seriously hope I don't get in trouble for that.

**Disclaimer:** Hikaru no Go belongs to Yumi Hotta. This fic is based on a doujinshi made by one of my favorite HikaGo doujin mangaka—Gyarandoh. I am not gaining profit from this,

**Warning: **Angst, OOC and mild lemon ahead

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**BELONG**

**Chapter Two: Cold Glare**

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I've started coming more often on Thursdays, along with my Wednesday matches. The thought of going against higher dans excites me so I couldn't wait to play again. The people playing there usually are above 5-dan. Being only a 2-dan, I can't say that I feel uneasy in that crowd. After all, there's a guy who already became a regular back when he was just a 3-dan.

His name is Touya Akira.

My relationship with Touya has been very complicated, from the moment we met up to the present. We started out as rivals, persistently chasing each other to no end, then we moved on to friends-in-denial. It was only a year ago when we both decided to escalate our relationship. Despite his features, Touya was really aggressive. He just didn't voice it out. Then again, there were a lot of things about Touya that I couldn't quite get.

When he moved out of his parents' house, it completely puzzled me—even though considering the money he makes from his matches, he could certainly afford to live on his own. I had, once or twice, asked him off-handedly why he moved out.

He just shrugged and said, "To get some space."

I don't really think that's the real answer since I'm always hanging around his place. But he never complains. Whenever I come over, there's always some tea or (recently) coffee waiting, and perhaps some snacks.

Almost as if he's expecting me…

I guess that's already to be expected.

Just two years ago, we were always meeting at his family's Go Salon. We would always play a game or two. It was very rare of us to meet anywhere else, aside from the Go Institute. He invited me over to his house one day to celebrate his birthday, which, at that point, I didn't even know when. When I got there, I noticed he was home alone since both his parents hadn't come back from another visit to China. I began to think how lonely Touya must be since Go seemed to rule every aspect of his life.

Family, school, friends…

All of it seemed second to Go. And it was then I began to wonder about our situation.

It was a quiet celebration. He and I were the only two people there. I muttered an apology, saying I didn't have time to get him a present. He just shrugged it off and said that anything I give was fine. As we were playing Go, I began to feel an unusual atmosphere. I couldn't concentrate on the match properly and ended up losing badly. I didn't understand why I was suddenly feeling conscious around him.

"Shindou," his dreamy voice had spoken to me, and I immediately felt the blood gushing up to my face. He stretched out his hand and gently cupped my cheeks. Before I realized it, our faces were getting nearer and nearer. "Close your eyes," he softly ordered. I obliged and waited for a few moments. I could feel his hot breath against me and it made me feel anxious. Finally, I felt soft lips pressed against mine.

I remember the kiss being innocent at first, then escalated to tongues meshing against each other, mixing our tastes. As the kiss intensified, so did our need for air. When we finally broke off to take a breather, he spoke, "Thank you for the present. I graciously accept." I blushed furiously at his statement, and then retorted, "That was my first kiss, you idiot! And, for the record, I didn't give it to you. You stole it!!"

That was the beginning of our escapades. When he moved to his apartment, my visits became even more frequent that it was becoming a habit. By the time I noticed, I was spending more time at his place than at mine.

We had our first intimate contact at his apartment. The image of Touya hovering above me, panting and lined with sweat has been engraved in my memory. He was gentle, careful not to hurt me or make me feel discomfort. But as the night moved on, his movement became faster, discarding whatever shyness he initially had, and gaining more confidence with every thrust. As soon as we were done, he plopped down next to my side, one arm wrapped possessively around my waist.

"Shindou," he breathed into my ear. "Can I think of you as mine? That you exist only for me?"

I regarded his question for a bit before answering, "Fine by me."

"Then… Am I yours? Do I exist for you?"

The silence was much longer this time. Touya waited patiently for an answer, but none came. In the end, I never answered. Up to now, I still haven't given him an answer.

Just the other day he had popped up that question that remained unanswered for almost an entire year. Touya has declared his love for me more than once. I already know the length of his love, but it's mine that I'm doubting. Touya's existence for me is very precious indeed. But a nagging pain in my heart always stopped me from wholly accepting him.

_I'm such a coward._

"Hey, what's with a gloomy face?" I heard a familiar voice. I turned around and saw Waya approaching me with his usual grin. "What's up?" I said, trying to sound as cheerful as possible. "You have a match today too?" "Yeah…" He eyed me again suspiciously. "Anything wrong? Domestic squabble?"

"What?!" I perked up surprised, mostly because my arguments with Touya were being regarded as a domestic squabble. "You have a gloomy look that is so un-Shindou-like," he noted. "I was just wondering if your family was doing okay."

"O-Oh," my voice broke, a bit disturbed that I had thought of Touya and I as something domestic. "No, we're fine at home. Nothing's wrong." The anxiety in my voice raised suspicion in Waya's part. I saw his brows lift a bit higher before speaking.

"Then it's about Touya, isn't it? The both of you fight again?"

I glanced him for a bit. Why Touya? Is it that obvious? "It's nothing important."

"Yeah, probably something silly again, as usual. How can you stand that guy anyway? Always hanging around… That's why rumors are flying everywhere about you two."

"Rumors?" I choked. "What rumors?"

"You know… Stuff like this and stuff like that. Rumors… The type you'll see in a Gossip Column."

My stomach churned. Great. Just great. As if I didn't have enough problems, now I had to deal with the rumor-grinding mill. I didn't even know that Touya and I were already catching everyone's attention. The question is, does Touya know?

As if sensing my distress, Waya spoke, "Don't let it bother you. It doesn't really matter if it's gossip or the truth. What matters is that you remain true to yourself." His words somehow made me breathe a lot easier. Waya always managed to do that. He was like a big brother and a best friend to me. Always with a wide grin on his face and a warm glow in his eyes. Definitely unlike the cold glances I often see in Touya's sharp eyes.

Touya…

My real dilemma is Touya. After what happened the other day, the tension I created between us, I don't think I can really face him right now. But I know that's next to impossible since he's a Thursday regular. Then again, we'll both be busy with our matches. I have enough time to think of what to say to him. I probably won't be going to his apartment for a while…

"So what's the deal with you and that guy, anyway?" I heard Waya ask. I stole a glance at his eyes and it had the same nonchalant expression, like he was just asking what the headline on today's newspaper is. "I…" I paused. A feeling swelled in me to confide it to Waya. He's earned my trust. But then, there was another feeling that urged me to deny it. It was that same feeling that was invoking me to deny Touya's complete existence in my heart.

Just the mere thought of Touya made my heart beat furiously. So many emotions were swirling inside me and I just wanted to collapse and be held by strong hands. To feel a warm presence next to me like the aftermath of sex. The more I yearned for it, the more painful it became.

In my heart, I was still grieving over the loss of one important person.

Clutching the fan in my hand that I did not even realized I had already pulled out of my bag, I held it close to my heart and faintly whispered, "Sai…"

"You said something?" Waya's voice pulled me out of my thoughts. Apparently, he didn't catch the last thing I said and, for that, I was grateful. "No. I just hope we do a good job today," I beamed brightly. Waya's lips curved to form a smile. "Whatever. I'm just glad you're okay. You really looked gloomy and depressed when I saw you back there. But now you seem to be fine."

He lifted his hand and gave me a pat on the head. "You should smile. That's the Shindou that I know." I grinned broadly. My mood was getting lighter and lighter. I wondered, from a corner of my mind, if it was Waya's intent to cheer me up. He didn't know of what troubles I'm going through with Touya right now. Our relationship isn't exactly progressing smoothly, and I seriously doubt if it's headed in the right direction.

Maybe I shouldn't think too much about it, else I go crazy. At least Waya offered a friendly distraction. Thinking that, I looked up at him and said, "Are you free today?"

If I'm gonna try and cheer up, I might as well do something fun. I remember I used to go to the arcade and karaoke with my friends. There, we could be as loud as we wanted to be and still have a blast. Both are places I don't think Touya would really enjoy. He's very reserved.

"Yeah, I guess so," came Waya's reply. He raked his hand through his hair, ruffling it a bit. "But is it okay? Won't Touya mind?"

"Why bring him up?" I queried.

"Coz you always go to his place," came the blunt reply.

My eyes widened a bit. Waya caught this reaction and smiled wryly. "It's a known fact that you spend your weekends at Touya's place and that you spend as much time as you can there. Don't underestimate the rumor-mill." I groaned. Just how much do these rumors know anyway?

My thoughts began to sink in a little deeper. Rumors are nasty. What if they eventually put me in a position wherein I can't stay by Touya's side or play Go anymore? If I were made to choose between the two, which would I pick?

"Shindou?"

"Ah, sorry, Waya." A sudden urge to see Touya swept me. I wanted his gaze on me. I wanted to see his eyes. I glanced at the clock. Barely six minutes left before the match begins and no sign of Touya. I found it strange since Touya is always the early bird.

"Yeah, I do go over once in a while," I finally answered. "But I was thinking of doing some stuff with you for a change. It's been a while since we last hung out."

"Yeah, that'd be great!" he shrilled with excitement.

"I…" I cut in. "I'll probably go to Touya's later…"

My voice trailed off. Waya must've sensed my discomfort because he immediately changed the topic. "Then why don't we begin with lunch?" he offered. "If you finish your match before lunchtime, I'll treat you to, say sushi?" "Really?" I perked. "Sushi's good, but I want ramen."

"What? Don't you ever tire of the stuff?"

"Your treat so I might as well take advantage." I latched on to his shoulder like a leech. "After all, it's not everyday that Waya Yoshitaka feels so remarkably generous."

"Fine, but there aren't any good ramen stands around this part."

"I know one! It's a bit far so we have to take the train. But it's really delicious!"

"All right. But if you don't finish, then it'll be soba instead."

"Why soba?" I wrinkled my nose.

"Because in between sushi and ramen is soba."

I wrinkled my nose. "What kind of reasoning is that?"

Waya began to pull away from my grasp, saying, "Hey, I'm the one treating you! And get off me before the rumor-mill begins to grind." I reluctantly released him and watched him as he entered the game room, hands resting for a moment on the shoji door.

"Waya," he turned his head back to look at me. "If I finish early, it's ramen, right?"

"If you finish and _win_," he confirmed. I stepped on to the tatami mat, following him, and raised my arms behind my head. "And if I do win but you aren't finished with your match?" A wide grin appeared on his lips as he patted my head furiously again. "Then I'll treat you to ramen for dinner."

I struggled to remove his hand that was hell-bent on giving me a bad hair day. "What you mean is, either way, I'll still be eating ramen," I stated as I was finally able to get his darn hand off my head. "What I mean is I'm such a good friend to you," he chuckled and I latched on to him again, snuggling against his neck.

"Wayaaaa, I love yooou!" I squealed. "You're like a mother to me."

"Oh, so now I'm a mother?" he snorted with pink stains on his cheeks. "What trouble you really are." Afterwards, I let him lead me by the hand into the game room.

I later realized that I should've been more aware of my surroundings, and that I should have looked behind me during my exchange with Waya.

Standing behind me was Touya with a cold glare in his eyes.

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To be continued...

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There's chapter two. Hope you guys aren't getting confused at the change of POV's. Let's just say it's alternate. Last chapter was Touya, so this one is Hikaru. Next chapter will be Touya again.

Please review.


	3. Possession

**Disclaimer:** Hikaru no Go isn't mine. This fic is based on a doujinshi made by one of my favorite HikaGo doujin mangaka—Gyarandoh. I am not gaining profit from this.

**Warnings:** Yaoi, OOC, angst, mild lemon

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**BELONG**

**Chapter Three: Possession**

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I was roused from sleep by the sound of the alarm clock on my bedside table. The beeping sound echoed in my head like a loud thumping sound. I brought a hand to my head and massaged it. I feel terrible. This is probably the result of taking in six bottles of _Le Chateau_. I felt like I was run over by a bulldozer.

I glared at the alarm clock, as if it was my worst enemy. "Shut up already," I snapped, turning off the beeper. I tried to get out of bed but stumbled on my first few steps. My face collided with the floor and I felt a flash of pain creeping to my nose. "Ow…" I rubbed the hurt area, just sitting there on the floor waiting for the seconds to tick by.

Down there, I got a full view of the mess that I had managed to do in a mere twenty-four hours. Papers were scattered everywhere, clothes lying wherever it could, and liquor bottles placed on top of the rubble. There was also the strong scent of alcohol that lingered in the room.

This was unlike me.

My eyes fell upon the calendar that was near falling from the wall. Today was… Thursday… Thursday!! Damn, I have a match today! Even though it's just the Dan series, a match is still match. I staggered to my feet, still clutching my head. "Ow…" I could use an aspirin.

Getting drunk the night before a match isn't how I usually do things. I don't even drink! Well, maybe a little. But only during one of those important events the Institute holds. I even make sure that I just take a couple of sips then I'm done. I'd never taken a liking to alcohol. Those bottles were presents from Kitajima-san as a house-warming gift. I never expected that I'd down all six bottles in just one night. But then again, I've been doing a lot of unexpected things lately, especially if it involves Shindou.

After taking that aspirin, my head began to feel much better, but I still felt heavy. I staggered back into the bedroom to dress and get ready to go. I sighed at the mess. Even in my drunken haze, I couldn't remember doing all of this. I must've been really upset. My eyes glanced at the pile of manga and game consoles huddled in one corner. The signs that Shindou had been here still remained.

My heart sank when I thought about Shindou. He didn't bother calling me nor did he come yesterday. After what happened the other day, I guess that's to be expected. But I had already gotten used to the fact that he was always here. Not just his games or manga, his pajamas and some other clothes were stashed in the dresser. He's toothbrush is even sharing a spot with mine in the bathroom. With each visit, more and more of his stuff was left here, to the point where you'd think he lives here.

Living together… I actually don't mind. It wouldn't be a lie if I said that it was one of the reasons why I decided to move out of my parents' home. Nor would it be the truth if I said it was my _only_ reason. I was already planning on moving out even before my relationship with Shindou started. But I don't deny that it did influence my choice of apartment. This place is too big for one person, but just right for two.

I pulled out a pair of slacks from the dresser. Afterwards, I got out a clean shirt and a sweater. It was beginning to get really cold outside. While pulling the shirt out, I noticed a forest green-colored one. It was a present from Shindou. There wasn't really any special occasion. He just gave it to me because he said it looked good on me. I ran my fingers through the soft fabric, imagining his hands clasped against mine.

Shindou…

_Why do you torture me so?_

The other day's events were something that could have been avoided. I knew the topic was very fragile. But I needed to know.

_What am I worth in your life? What am I to you? _

When I asked, he replied with a forceful tone that sounded more like a rejection. No matter how many times I professed my love, he would remain silent and hide behind a smile. I'm not blind. I could always tell how blank that smile was. Not once… from the moment we first kissed to the number of times we made love…

You never said you love me…

I paled when I glanced at the clock. If I don't hurry, I might be late. I hurriedly dressed myself, and spared a moment to check my reflection in the mirror. Despite my hangover, I was looking much better than anticipated. I checked myself one last time before realization dawned on me. I reeked of alcohol. If I had more time, I would've taken a shower. Exactly how long have I been lost in my own thoughts?

I scanned the dresser and saw the strong-smelling cologne that Shindou had given me, again for no reason. He said it smelled like the forest, refreshing, along with something spicy. He claimed it was my scent. Pushing the thoughts aside, I sprayed the substance all over, hoping it'd cover the scent of alcohol.

A moment later, I locked the front door and dashed towards the train station. For the rest of the trip, my mind lingered on Shindou. His face… his breath… his warmth… his very existence caused my insides to burn. I felt my heart thumping against my chest, causing a painful sensation.

_Why can't you just say you want me?_

The hard pounding retuned to my head, only, I'm not really sure if it's because of the hangover.

I finally reached the Institute with five minutes to spare. This is unbelievable since I usually arrive earlier. _I wonder if Shindou's here yet_. As I recall, he's scheduled for a match today. Anxiety began to wash over me. Should I meet him or not? Maybe I should avoid him for a while and wait 'till everything's cooled down. After all, we had all the time in the world to talk. I first fell in love with him when we were twelve. I waited how many years just to have him acknowledge these feelings. Surely I can wait for his.

I proceeded my way down the hall towards the game room. What I saw left me frozen on the spot. There was Shindou chatting happily away with a friend of his from his Insei days. I remember seeing him hanging around Shindou a lot, often times getting too close for comfort. I think he's name is Waya. That aside, I gazed unbelievingly at Shindou who didn't even seem to notice my presence.

He looked happy! I was a bit far from where they stood so I couldn't quite hear what they were talking about, only when they raised their voices. But I could clearly see the smile plastered on the younger boy's features, laughing as if nothing had happened.

So then… I was the only one worrying…

The hallway around me began to spin. While I was busy worrying about you, getting myself roaring drunk in the process, you go about not looking one bit upset.

I felt my gaze sharpen when I saw Shindou latch on to the taller boy's arm. A flaring feeling raged within me as I saw him snuggle against Waya's neck. That act made them look very intimate. My hands clenched into tight fists as my possessive side began to scorch me. If I could murder, I would definitely do it now, especially when I saw Waya take his hand and lead him into the game room. _How dare he touch what's mine! What's mine!!_ But it's not just Waya whom I directed my anger to. But also to that young boy with blonde bangs.

_Dammit, Shindou!_ Don't look at anyone else other than. Don't smile at anyone other than me. Don't touch anyone other than me.

If I could give this pain a physical form, I would've done so and immediately snatch Shindou from, what I see, Waya's evil grasp. I don't care if I end up revealing to the whole world about our relationship. It doesn't really even matter to me if we're shamed now, but he does… That's why I've always kept silent.

"Akira-kun."

A voice broke my train of thoughts. I turned to see Ashiwara-san beaming happily at me with his eyes closed. "How rare of you to arrive at the last moment," he said. "Here." He handed me a can of tea. "You don't drink coffee, right?" I perked up in surprise. "I don't?" I blurted while receiving the can. Then, my mind clicked in. I only started drinking coffee recently. Shindou had made one for me one night. I was going up against Zama-sensei in the Kisei Tournament the following morning so I made it my intention to stay up late replaying some games to try and come up with a good strategy.

Even so, that didn't stop me from allotting some time on Shindou. The bed shook violently and I remember Shindou saying in between gasps, "The – ah – neighbors might – guh – hear…" I ignored his pleas and completely poured myself into him. Twenty minutes later, I was seated on the floor, seiza-style, studying the Go board before me. I felt Shindou's eyes upon me the whole time. I heard the rustling of sheets as he got up and disappeared into the kitchen. A few minutes later, he returned with a cup of steaming hot coffee. He placed it next to me wordlessly.

Normally, I would ignore the hot liquid unless it was tea. But my hand instinctively took hold of the handle, brought it to my lips, and then I felt its strong taste streaming down my throat. The next morning, another cup was waiting for me at the breakfast table. Ever since then, I drank two cups a day, one in the morning and one in the evening. Its addictive taste reminded me of Shindou.

"You're not going to drink it, Akira-kun?" Ashiwara asked, wondering why I hadn't opened it yet. I looked at him and forced a smile. "I'll drink it during the match. Thank you, Ashiwara-san." "Really? I was thinking of getting you something cold to refresh you, but it might upset your stomach," he chuckled. This time, I smiled a genuine smile. This person has a habit of making people feel at ease. "You're already a regular, aren't you Akira-kun?" he said. "That's really amazing for someone so young."

"You're young, too," we both jumped as Ogata-san suddenly appeared from behind Ashiwara. "O-Ogata-san!" the younger of the two stammered. Ogata nudged the frame of his glasses. "What are you two still doing out here? The match is about to start." "Eh? You're right!" Ashiwara jumped again. "Akira-kun, let's hurry." I turned to follow suit but was stopped by Ogata's voice. "Akira-kun," he said sternly. I looked back and met his strong gaze. "I understand what you're feeling right now. But please calm down. Nothing will be resolved that way."

Silence swept us for a moment as I tried to process his words. As much as I respect Ogata, there was a part of him that I disliked. For one thing, I found his arrogance and air of superiority somewhat intolerable. Plus, there was an imprint in my mind of him pinning Shindou against a wall of the hospital. His reasons may have been linked to that mysterious Sai, but the mere fact he had trapped Shindou between his muscular arms earned him my hatred.

With a sharpened glance, I bowed my head and proceeded to the game room. When I entered, I immediately saw Shindou seated in front of the Go board, facing his opponent. His face carried the seriousness that he did not have earlier. As I made my way to my designated spot, I caught sight of Shindou glancing at Waya, flashing him a grin and winking an eye. Waya, in turn, pointed at the Go board and winked an eye as well. Then the anger returned to me.

Whatever peace of mind I received during my talk with Ashiwara earlier had now evaporated. From a corner of my eye, I saw Ogata looking at me with an intent gaze, but I didn't pay any attention to it. Something much more infuriating is going through my head.

Losing my rationality and playing a bad game is definitely not an option for me. Rather, I'd finish this match quickly and think of a thousand and one ways to make Shindou realize this anguish. It came to my mind that if I had not met him, I wouldn't be going through such pain. But then again, there's no such thing as falling in love with no pain. Knowing that fully well, I still fell in love anyway.

_But why won't you confirm it? Why won't you just say you love me?_

What was it that dwelled within your thoughts, Shindou? You who are filled with secrets that you won't even share with me? That something dwelling within you… If I tear it away, would you look only at me then?

I placed a few stones on the board, saying, "Nigiri."

The desire to speak to him sooner than later dominated me. I'll finish my game earlier than Shindou then wait… I have to finish first before he completely slips from my grasp.

"_Onegaishimasu_," we all bowed and spoke in unison. The pleasant sound of stones being laid gently surrounded the room. I absent-mindedly place my stones on the board, all the while having my thoughts linger on Shindou.

_There's something I wish to convey to you… Shindou…_

_I won't let you escape from me…_

_You're mine and I will prove it…_

Though I wasn't as deeply concentrated as I normally am, my opponent still paled with every stone I placed. It wasn't long until my eyes sharpened and began to pierce right through him. Finally set other thoughts aside, I placed another stone and attacked furiously.

I don't care how merciless I have to be. I'll be as ruthless as needed to be in order to achieve my goal.

To capture you…

I never opened the can Ashiwara gave me.

* * *

To be continued…

* * *

Next chapter will still be Akira's POV.


	4. Broken

Chapter 4 is up people! The truth is, this fic is already finished. I'm just taking my sweet time uploading the rest. Since this fic was written over two years ago, I think it might not live up to your standards, but I still appreciate the feedback

The change in POV, from Touya then shifting to Hikaru, was meant to show the two sides of the story. Touya isn't the only one with issues here. So does Hikaru. They both have the same dilemma, only in a different approach, and the way they handle it is also different in nature. So, yeah.

**Disclaimer:** Hikaru no Go isn't mine. This fic is based on a doujinshi made by one of my favorite HikaGo doujin mangaka—Gyarandoh. I am not gaining profit from this.

**Warnings:** Yaoi, OOC, angst, lemon ahead

* * *

**BELONG**

**Chapter Four: Broken**

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"I… have nothing…"

Even before half of the allotted time passed, my opponent had already bowed his head, eyes tightly closed. His hands were clenched into fists, digging into his lap, trembling with humiliation. As pitiful as he seemed right now, I paid little care. I would show no mercy to anyone who stood in my way, even if it meant invoking pain on an innocent stranger.

I glanced at the Go board before me. It was truly a terrible game. I had dominated completely and left him no opportunities to come back. I, too, bowed my head and replied, "Thank you very much," words that were only spoken out of formality. As I lifted myself from the floor, I looked at Shindou who was still pretty much concentrated in his match. I turned and silently headed for the door, ignoring all the eyes that watched me.

Outside, I was greeted by Ogata with a cigarette in his mouth. "Finished, Akira-kun?" he inquired. I nodded my head in reply, not really wanting to have a conversation with him. "That was quick," he puffed. "But what I glanced from the match, it didn't seem like a friendly game. It was more like a superior bullying those beneath him." I shot him a glare and spoke coolly, "That was hardly bullying. Besides, he's a 7-dan so it's obvious that he's the superior."

"I wasn't talking about rank."

He put out the cigarette in the portable ashtray he carries with him. "What's wrong with you, Akira-kun?" he asked me, his voice still suave. "Do you have any idea what you're doing?" I looked at him puzzlingly. "What do you mean?" "You tell me." The hardness in his voice began to irritate me. What he was trying to do, I didn't know. "Just answer the question, Akira-kun," his gaze ever hardening.

Irritated, I answered with a dull tone, "It has nothing to do with you." An awkward silence reigned for a moment. Finally, he sighed and shrugged his shoulders in defeat, considering our little "exchange" as something immature. "So it's about Shindou…" he trailed off. At hearing his words, I perked up, my body suddenly turning alert. "Is there something you want to say?" It sounded more of a statement than a question.

"You're too obsessed with Shindou… You do realize that, don't you?"

My eyes sharpened into a death glare. _So what? It has nothing to do with you, _I thought inwardly. I knew my attitude was getting disrespectful, especially to an elder, but my anger was already too apparent to hold back. "At any rate," he continued, pulling out his pack of cigarettes from his breast pocket. "This strong attachment of yours will someday destroy you." He pulled out another stick then placed it in his mouth and lit it. How many of those things he goes through a day was beyond me.

A chill ran down my spine as he puffed some smoke that stung my eyes. "Akira-kun, do you know what kind of rumors are going around about you two?"

_Rumors?_

I had no idea that Shindou and I were already attracting others' attention. "He certainly is the type who fascinates people even without intending to do so," he stated. My eyes unconsciously lingered back into the game room as Shindou's face suddenly appeared in my head. "What… kind of rumors?" I asked, trying not to sound too worried. He smirked at me and replied, "I thought it had nothing to do with me."

How I hated his attitude. It irritated me the way he already knew things but still talked about it bluntly. It was as if he enjoyed seeing others writhe in agony. "Well, it's just a silly rumor now," he spoke, putting the cigarette out again. He leaned against the wall and crossed his arms around his chest. His face turned serious. "Is it true that Shindou goes over at your place every now and then?"

"Yes," I answered dully, as if it didn't matter. "He comes and visits very often."

"I heard," he spoke in a manner that gave me a dreading feeling. "It's almost to the point wherein he lives there with you." I felt my hands curling into a fist, fingers digging deep into my palm. He stretched out his hand, ushering me into the other room. I hesitated but he wound his arm around my back and gave me a gentle push, saying Shindou wouldn't be finished for a while. I wondered how deep into my thoughts he's already read.

Inside, he sat down on the sofa and motioned for me to do the same. As soon I was seated, he spoke, "If this is nothing more than a childish attachment, then cast it aside immediately." His words took me by surprise, but I soon felt the blood inside me boiling. "What do you mean?" I nearly spat the words. My frown became deeper and I found keeping my composure even more challenging.

"Playing Go with Shindou is a good thing, but continuing on with him can't be a plus, can it?"

I slammed my hand angrily at the table that separated us. "What would you know?!" I shouted, allowing my emotions to get the better of me. "I was right to move out, wasn't I?" Despite my outburst, Ogata kept calm as if expecting me to lose control.

"I wasn't referring to that," he stated coolly. "It's Shindou. You don't want to hand him over to anyone. And you don't want to give him up no matter how driven to a corner you already are."

I got goosebumps as I heard those words.

"You want everything of him. If possible, you'd imprison him within your reach." He looked at me with cold eyes. "You'd rather lose everything else rather than lose him – the one thing you can't lose."

I quivered as I realized just how much of my heart was being dictated. "Why…" my voice broke, my anger subsiding as this man in front of me recited the contents of my heart.

_Was I wrong… to fall in love…?_

Sensing my distress, Ogata spoke again, "Akira-kun, you are not the only who has loved with pain." My head shot up to meet his, my eyes filled with anxiety and confusion. "What I see between you and Shindou is a cat-and-mouse game. It's a silly childish game. You are better off without it. But if you cannot cast it away, then don't lie to yourself." His words began to shoot right through me.

"Regardless of anything else, the most important thing is to not deceive yourself."

I regarded his words for a moment. I heard the lunch bell ring then I stood up and headed for the door, not sparing him a glance. "I won't give Shindou up," I said and left the room.

The hallway began to flood with people, those who finished their matches and those who hadn't. My eyes scanned the area, searching the familiar sight of golden bangs. Suddenly, I heard a familiar voice. I searched for the source and found my prey. "You promise, right?" his voice still sounded happy. How come he never sounded like that around me?

The dark flames that died down during my talk with Ogata began to flare up again—more violently, this time. I sprinted after them, and roughly grabbed hold of Shindou's shoulder causing him to turn around in confusion. Waya stood beside him, oblivious to what was going on.

"Finished with your game?"

My words broke the silence. Shindou looked surprised to see me, but all too quickly avoided my gaze, his energy from earlier disintegrating. "Y-Yeah…" he said. "I… I finished… And you?" "Yes, I finished," I answered, my gaze still not leaving his. My hand moved from his shoulder to grip his arm. "You have time?" I stated off-handedly, but my grip grew tighter, giving him the impression that I wouldn't allow him to say no for an answer. I swear I felt his heartbeat through his arm. It was beating to a rhythm that was almost violent.

"Shindou…" I persisted.

"Touya," to my dismay, it was Waya who spoke. "I really don't know why you're so mad, but Shindou can't answer if you give him such a scary look."

_Stay away. This is between Shindou and I._ I was irritated at Waya's attempt to help a distressed Shindou.

"I need to talk to you!" I said in a demanding tone, ignoring the boy's intervention. "Hey!" he retorted, but was cut off by Shindou's voice. "Waya, it's fine! Um… Touya… I also want to talk to you about something. I'll drop by later… I have plans with Wa—ya!!" He yelped in pain as my grip on his arm tightened. Underneath his sleeve, I'm sure the offended area was already bruising. I couldn't forgive him for prioritizing someone else over me.

Flinching at my touch, he turned to Waya and spoke, "S-Sorry, Waya. Rain check?" Waya turned his eyes to me then to Shindou with a genuine look of concern on his face. "You sure you'll be all right?" I was about to snap at him, saying it didn't concern him, but Shindou spoke out first. "Yeah, I'll call you, okay?" With that, he led me through the growing crowd and out into the street. He pried his arm away from my grasp, and rubbed it, finally feeling the blood returning to it. I tried to take hold of his hand, to make up for my mean demeanor back there, but he rejected that advance.

Somehow, we ended up sitting on a bench at the park. The leaves were already red and gold from the cold. There was hardly anyone there at the moment, making us feel we were the only two people in the entire world.

_How do you feel about me?_

_What am I to you?_

Though I had been so fired up by passion earlier, right now, I felt like a coward. It was him who broke the silence.

"Um… Touya," he spoke as if unsure of his own words. "Sorry… But I think… I think I can't look only at you. Not right now… There's someone… someone I just can't forget no matter how hard I try. Even though he's not with me anymore, I can't help but feel he existed solely for me."

Even as he faltered, his words still came clear to me. "Someone you can't forget?" my voice was broken but cold at the same time. He tried to explain, stumbling on a few words, but the message still sounded the same.

_You accepted me though there was already someone you cared about so much?_

I felt an intense feeling riveting in my stomach. "So you're still in love with this person even though I confessed my feelings to you a number of times?" My voice contained the sharpness and the edge that I did not know I could have. My eyes glared daggers at him as I felt him quiver at my gaze. "I-I'm sorry," he said, sounding as apologetic as can be. But all he did was confirm my suspicion.

I grit my teeth, being overwhelmed by this feeling. In the back of my head, I heard Ogata's words, _Don't lie to yourself_. Too many emotions were swirling inside me and I allowed it to take control.

I pulled him forcefully to me, our lips crashing. "Tou—!" he managed to mumble before I claimed his mouth. Although it was empty, it was still a park – a public area. Someone could appear at any given time. Realizing this, he struggled against my grasp, gasping for air.

"Sto—!!"

He was barely able to utter another word as I kissed him again, more violently this time. I pushed my tongue into his mouth, wondering if he would be able to sense the taste of alcohol in my mouth. I pulled him even closer, our bodies touching only to be separated by the clothes we wore. My hands began to rove his body, moving past his jacket to lift up his shirt just enough to feel his warm skin. He flinched at my cold fingers and made even more of an effort to break away.

In the distance, the sound of a rolling can was heard, and he mustered enough strength to pull away from the kiss, but still remained within my grasp. "Touya!!" he glared at me. I paid no heed and brought my focus to his neck. "Ah!" he gasped as I kissed him at the neckline. "You were always sensitive there," I whispered and proceeded to bite and suck on the molested area.

He whimpered in pain as he felt the edges of my teeth sinking in his skin, followed by the wetness of my tongue. _That's going to leave a mark_, I thought as I pushed him down on the bench. "Wha—!!" his voice broke when he felt my hand groping his lower area. "Stop!!" he shoved me away from him, cheeks flushed. "Think for a moment! This is a _public_ place!" I felt irritated at that remark.

That's all you ever think of – what _others_ might think.

"_People might see us. Stop now._"

I could care less if someone came. I had never denied my feelings for you, and I don't care who knows. The only reason why I held back is because you felt ashamed.

_If only you knew how driven into a corner I already am._

Ignoring his protests, I grabbed his arm tightly and pulled him into the bushes behind us. With a mighty force, I flung him against the tree where his back collided with it. "What're you doing?" he snapped. I didn't answer as I took off my sweater, suddenly feeling an intense heat rushing through me. Grabbing hold of his shoulder, I forced him on to the ground and hovered above him, pinning him down. "Sto…" he breathed as if sensing my next move. "I don't care," I said as I began to take off his jacket and unbutton his shirt in a hurried manner, exposing his skin to the cold air. "I don't care if someone sees us."

He paled at my words. I descended on him, our lips meeting again as my hands worked its way, exploring every angle of his body. He jerked each time I hit a pleasurable spot. From his lips, I moved to the edges of his jaw, stopping at his ear. "Are you cold?" I asked, licking the lobe. He nodded his head in reply, trying to stifle a moan. "Then don't worry," I said, bringing up one hand to graze the buds on his chest, toying with it in between my fingers. "I'll make you feel hot soon." I went back to attacking his neck, gradually moving downwards, stopping to lick his hardening nipple. "…Nnn…" his breathing began to grow faster, and his body that shivered earlier due to the cold began to shiver for a different reason.

His hands wound around my neck, trying to push me away weakly. Despite his verbal protests, his actions began to betray him as his body jerked at every movement I made. As I ravaged his chest, my hand began to fumble with his belt, pulling it away from his waist and lowering the zipper of his pants. "No…" he groaned. He grabbed hold of my wrists trying to pry my hands away from his jeans. I shoved him back, pinning his hands just above his head. I met his gaze and I saw him melt at the sight of my eyes. I pinned both his wrists with one hand, locking them into place. I used my other hand to grope the growing bulge in his pants.

"You seem to be enjoying this," I said, smirking at the blush tainting his cheeks. I pushed my hands inside the waistband of his boxers and felt his arousal getting harder. I stroke it with a fast motion that earned moans and sudden gasps from Shindou.

"Nnn… Ahh…"

I quickened my pace as I saw him arch his back backwards, taking in deep breaths. Finding the sight unbearable, the heat inside my body began to swell up. I released his wrists and began to undo the buttons of my shirt while my other hand continued to pump him violently.

With my shirt open, I descended on him, allowing our bare chests to meet. The warmth of his skin burned mine and I resumed to kiss him hungrily. He mouthed protests in between gasps but they were getting fainter and fainter, and he eventually began returning my kisses. His hands unconsciously draped themselves around my shoulders pulling me closer. I smirked mentally at Shindou's bodily reactions.

_You want this, don't you?_

His moans increased in speed as well. Along with it came an insatiable lust to claim him. I stopped stroking his arousal and tugged his pants, trying to remove them. Either out of distress or habit, Shindou lifted his waist and allowed me to slide both his pants and boxers down his feet. Taking in the sight of his bare-naked self below me, my lust increased ten-fold.

I placed my hands at his thighs, forcing them to separate. I positioned myself in between his legs, and I heard him gasp as soon as he felt my hot breath upon his throbbing shaft. Taking it in my hands, I licked the head teasingly, and sucked on it like a lollipop. "Ah…" he arched his back in a wave of pleasure. "Sto… op…" I licked at the sides, taking in his taste as droplets of precum began to gush out.

_Not yet._

"Touya, please stop now," he pleaded with tears forming at the rim of his eyes. I didn't listen and continued to toy with his shaft that submitted to every movement my tongue made. He brought his hand to his mouth and bit his palm, holding back cries of exquisite pleasure. "Why don't you let your voice out?" I said. He glared at me in reply, tears threatening to fall. But that only stirred me up even more as I ran my tongue along his length.

"No… mmm… stop it!" he muffled.

On my part, I found it kind of cruel that he'd want to escape from this, especially when I've already gotten this far. I proved that point by taking him fully into my mouth.

Engulfed with warmth, he desperately stifled his voice, but a few pants and moans still managed to escape. Seeing that, my own arousal began to fight its way through my pants, but I didn't stop with my movement. My head continued to bob up and down, taking in his delightful passion.

"No, don't…"

I ignored his protests again and quickened my pace, pumping him with my tongue. "Tou… ya… let… go…" He grasped my hair with a weak hand in a desperate attempt to stop me. From the sound of his voice, I could tell that he was about to reach his climax.

I grabbed the cheeks of his rectum, pushing him further and deeper into my mouth. He took fistfuls of my hair as he arched his back, preparing for his outburst. In less than a second later, I heard him let out a loud groan, and hot fluid gushed into my mouth. I could hear his pants and, from his shaft, I could feel his rapid heartbeat. I pulled him even closer, my throat working to swallow every single drop.

When he finished, he lay back on the soft grass, arms spread across his face obscuring the tears that trickled during his peak. I felt his arousal going limp in my mouth, and I finally released it, lingering for a heartbeat to take one final lick at the tip. I hovered above him again, taking in his sweaty and breathless form. I kissed him, forcing my tongue in him, to have him taste himself.

As soon as I broke off the kiss, I stroke his cheek with one hand, wiping away the sweat. He locked his eyes on to mine. "Why…" he breathed out of exhaustion. I smiled at him and answered, "You don't know?" He looked at me in surprise, and yelped when I hoisted his thighs above my shoulders.

"T-Touya…?"

I snickered. "You know it's not over yet, Shindou…" I unzipped my pants to reveal my terribly hard and much ignored shaft. He looked at me worriedly, the kind that turned me on even more. I stroke his limp arousal one more time and said, "You like it, don't you Shindou?" Drained from the earlier orgasm, he bit his lower lip to stifle another moan. I licked two of my fingers and positioned them at his entrance. Slowly, it entered him and I felt his tightness. He yelped as my fingers caused a motion that his body danced to. He returned to biting his palm, tears streaming down his face. I found the sight too unbearable, and I pulled out my fingers from inside him.

He opened his eyes, wondering why I had stopped. I looked at him with a serious face and said, "I'm sorry. I can't wait." After saying those words, I pushed my thick length into his body while gripping his thighs.

"HA!!" he couldn't stop himself from shouting at the sudden invasion.

His body jerked as it was forced to accept me before it was properly prepared. As I forced my entire being to enter him, I felt his tight walls crashing against me, filling me with warmth. "Shindou," I breathed with pleasure. I lost all reason at the sensation of being inside him.

He let out a cry of agony as his hands clamped tightly around his mouth, preventing him from making any more noise. I seized his hips and began to rock him to my heart's rhythm. Despite his attempts to gag himself, his moans were still audible. "Sto…" he tried to speak but was overwhelmed by our bodies' motion. I gripped his limp shaft and added another rhythm, causing him to squirm even more.

"Fu…uu… hi…a… ah!"

Ignoring his pleas for me to stop, I continued to hammer myself into him, my thrusts becoming faster and harder. Cries of agony turned into moans of delight as he unconsciously wrapped his arms around me. I felt his fingernails digging deep into my flesh, scorching me.

I released his thighs and turned him over to a different position. I continued to pump his shaft despite the low arousal, and humped him with all my might. "Ah!" by each thrust, he found it more and more difficult to subdue his voice. That's what I want. _Scream in pleasure for me._ His hands began to search the area for something else to grab on to. His fingers reached the bark of the tree and dug deeply into it.

"Hi… a… hah… nn… gah!!"

As my movements sped up, I felt him becoming tighter, embracing me. I knew it wouldn't be long until I reach my climax. "A little more… Shindou…" I kept thrusting harder and harder, his moans echoing in my ears, until I saw nothing but white. I arched my head backwards as I felt my warmth spreading inside Shindou, flooding him with my seed. I raised his hips a bit higher, forcing his body to swallow every single drop of my fluid. He gasped at the warmth he seemed to drown in, hands clenching tighter, and I felt myself going limp inside him. I leaned forward and kissed him on the lips, allowing our tongues to mesh again, before drawing back and pulling out of him.

I brushed my hand against his hair while his eyes gazed at the sky. "Shindou," I said, averting his gaze. He looked at me with reproachful eyes. "That was uncalled for," he snapped. I snickered, "But you didn't seem to hate it."

He shoved me aside while trying to get up, wincing at the pain he felt at his back. "You… You're the one who suddenly decided to do this. Just what am I to you anyway?" His words made it sound as if I thought of him as a whore. I paid no heed as I zipped up my pants and buttoned my shirt. "You shouldn't complain," I stated calmly. "After all, you belong to me. You said so yourself, didn't you Hikaru?"

"Don't call me that!!" he snapped back, eyes flaring.

It was a rare thing for me to call him by his first name. I didn't know why I did, but I just did. But his reaction surprised me. "Hikaru?" I spoke again, wondering about the violent reaction. "I said don't call me that!! He's the only one who can call me that…!" He suddenly clamped his mouth shut upon the realization of what he said. But I heard it. It seemed like a deafening echo to my ears.

"Who can call you that?" I said, my voice containing malice. There was someone else who called him by his name alone. Someone who wasn't his relative or that childhood friend of his. Someone who I didn't know of. "Shindou!" I demanded. He turned his face to the ground, but I grabbed his chin and forced him to look at me.

I was met with eyes that were filled with heartache and confusion. Eyes that were on the verge of crying. He began to tremble at my touch, but it wasn't the same tremble as earlier. It was fear.

The sight of him crying… the sight of him whom I have hurt burned into my eyes.

I realized then that I had touched something I should not have touched. This was the part of you that remained a secret – a part that I wasn't allowed to enter. It was the cold wall that separated you from me.

Regret, self-condemnation and repentance replaced whatever feeling I had earlier. Realizing my mistake, I sprung on to my feet, grabbed my sweater, and dashed out of the park leaving him behind still undressed.

And completely broken…

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To be continued…

* * *

Okay, I admit. This may have been overboard, but that's why you have been warned of the angst and OOC. I just love possessive Touya, and reluctant Hikaru. (hearts everywhere)

But, really, what's with all these depressing tidbits? Well, I guess that's what I get for like Gyarandoh so much. HikaGo is actually a very cheerful anime, yet they succeed in showing a depressing and darker side of it. I only wish I had that kind of talent (sigh) ;

Next chapter is Hikaru's POV.

Please review!


	5. Repentance

Okay, I was planning for a massive update, but, as I've stated in **Reunion** and **Secrecy and Lies**, my computer crashed. I am trying to recover lost files and rewrite some chapters for my other fic. Ah… it really tore my heart apart.

Anyway, this is chapter 5 presented in Hikaru's POV.

**Disclaimer:** Hikaru no Go isn't mine. This fic is based on a doujinshi made by one of my favorite HikaGo doujin mangaka—Gyarandoh! I am not gaining profit from this.

**Warning:** Yaoi, OOC, angst

* * *

**BELONG **

**Chapter Five: Repentance**

* * *

"Why does it always have to be this way?"

I managed to dress myself and sat idly at the bench where Touya and I had spoken earlier. The park still empty, thankfully, devoid of people. There was still a stinging pain in my back, and my legs felt numb. But my mind wasn't even focused on the battered state of my body, rather on the helplessness of the situation. I buried my face into my hands as tears threatened to fall.

_Why do we always end up hurting each other?_

My sobs filled the park.

My walk home was slow, flinching at the pain. When I finally reached the front door of my house, I was greeted by my mother's smiling face. "Hello, Hikaru. Welcome home." I nodded in acknowledgement as I dropped my bag down on the floor. "Mom, is the bath ready?" I asked. She headed for the kitchen from where I could smell a delicious aroma. "Yes, you're father just finished. He has the day off, you know," she answered. "Would you like something to eat afterwards? I'm just about finished preparing lunch." "No, thanks," I said, not really having an appetite. "I'll take a bath now, okay?" I didn't even bother to hear her response as I entered the bathroom and swiftly discarded my clothes.

I flinched at the feeling of the hot water against my skin, washing over the bruises I received courtesy of Touya. I reached for the soap and brushed it against my skin, washing away the dust and dirt I got from the park. I felt terribly filthy.

Towel around my waist, I emerged from the bath and moved over to the sink, leaning against it to gaze at my hazy reflection on the mirror. "Look at yourself," I said to myself. "You're disgusting." I wasn't referring to the fact that Touya had completely forced himself upon me, but to the fact that I had managed to play with his feelings.

Why couldn't I accept him fully? What am I so afraid of?

I gazed into the eyes of my mirror image, seeing the sorrow and pain within it. I suddenly half-hoped that I would feel Sai's transparent embrace around me and ask, "What's wrong Hikaru? Do you hurt anywhere?" I laughed coldly as I brought my face to obscure my image. "That's not going to happen," I affirmed. "Because…"

_I drove him away._

A few minutes later, I was back in my room, fully clothed, laying my back against the soft mattress of my bed. I turned my head to steal a glance at the Go board on the floor. In my mind, Sai's saddened and depressed face appeared. I shook my head to try and get rid of the image, only to be replaced by Touya's vexed face. I slapped myself hard as the image returned to Sai. I could almost see his eyes filled with disappointment, slowly turning away from me and leaving my sight.

"SAI!!"

I shot up to a sitting position. _Hallucinating again._ I wondered why I couldn't remember his smile lately. All my mind seemed to contain was his hurt and saddened expression. "Sai…" I murmured softly, bringing my knees up to my chest, feeling my heart ache with every passing breath. "What am I supposed to do?"

"Hikaru?" I heard my mom calling from downstairs. "You have a visitor from the institute." I wasn't really in the mood to entertain company, but I didn't want to rouse my mother's concern. I got up and called out, "Let him in!" Moments later, I heard a knock on the door and it opened to reveal Waya standing with his eyes meeting mine.

"Waya…" I spoke. "What brings you here?" "I was worried," he motioned towards me and flopped down on the bed next to me. I forced a smile, "I'm fine." He shot me a glance, the seriousness flickering in his eyes. "You don't look fine. Tell me what's going on between you and Touya." I cringed at the mention of his name. My hands began to tremble, unable to bear the tension. As if sensing my distress, he placed his hand on top of mine to reassure me. "Go on, tell me. We're friends, right?" I relaxed a bit and returned his grip, allowing our fingers to interlace.

"I'm messed up. Seriously," I said. Waya didn't say anything, squeezing my hand, beckoning me to continue. "I don't know what to do anymore. I'm really selfish, wanting something yet denying it at the same time. Not being able to let go merely because of guilt and repentance." A silence reigned over us. With my hand within Waya's, I felt some relief coming to me.

"Have you ever fallen in love?" I finally spoke. My friend seemed to be taken aback by that question since I felt his hand jolt. "Have you ever loved two people at the same time, not knowing who to choose. Have you ever hurt the person you loved because of your own selfishness?"

My voice began to tremble, surprised at my sudden rambling. "I see," I heard Waya sigh. "It _is_ about Touya, after all." I looked at him with a questioning gaze. He chuckled softly and smiled at me warmly. "I thought so. Things with you and Touya are always complicated. Come here." He pulled me closer to him, trapping me in his embrace. "You really are difficult to deal with," he whispered as he stroke my hair, burying my face in his chest. I clutched his arms, my hands feeling the fabrics of his sleeve. "It's okay," he spoke. "It's normal to get hurt, because that's just the way it is. But you know what? In the end when everything's resolved, you'll be able laugh again and smile like you always do."

The scent of his cologne invaded my senses. His words soothed my inner turmoil, and I found myself sobbing in his arms. He held me closer, his shoulders trembling as if afraid to let me go else I might break. "Shindou," I felt his breath upon my forehead as I closed my eyes, the tears I had earlier were now dry. "You're so troublesome." He leaned on me, making me feel his bangs tickling my cheeks. His warm embrace distinctly reminded me of Sai. "It's okay to cry," I heard him spoke softly. "Because we cry, we can smile again later on." I felt his clutch on me tighten as we both trembled for different reasons. Afterwards, I felt something wet trickle down my cheeks, dripping into my lips, causing me to taste the salty substance.

It was Waya's tears.

That evening, I was able to force something down my throat to quench my stomach's rumbling appetite. After dinner, I retreated to my room and recalled my exchange with Waya earlier. His words loosened the knots in my heart, but the feeling was still there. My eyes reached for the fan that was placed on my desk. The image of Sai's grieving face returned to me, and I plopped down on the bed. Hugging the pillow, I closed my eyes pretending it was a person whom I so tightly embraced. Only, I wasn't sure if it was Sai or Touya I imagined.

I hurt both of them.

The moments passed, and I opened my eyes to find my room completely dark. _How strange_, I thought. _I'm sure I left the table lamp on._ I rose to my feet and felt my way around the room, searching for the light.

_Hikaru…_

My heart jumped at the mention of my name. I knew that voice… I turned to see Sai's figure before me, his face stern and his eyes filled with iciness that I couldn't believe he had. "Sai…" "Why won't you let me play?" his voice cut me, and I felt myself shake. "You will probably regret… someday…" My knees trembled, feet glued to the spot. "No… Sai, why are you saying…" Another image appeared before me, this time, it came from the depths of my memory.

_"If he attached here, you would've lost. Right, Sai?"_

The pain in his eyes had already been evident. I noticed, but I chose to ignore it.

_"Let me play him, Hikaru!"_

"_What're you talking about? If I let you play, they'll notice and might think that I'm Sai. Am I going to hide behind your presence again?"_

_"Then hide! Go ahead and hide behind me!!"_

I was selfish. I closed my eyes tightly and covered my ears with my hands, trying to block out the sights and sounds. But that did little since everything came to me like a giant tidal wave.

"_You can't even beat me, Hikaru."_

_"And so? What about you? Without me, you can't even hold the stones in your hand!!"_

No… I clutched my head tighter, my knees weakening at what I heard and saw. I didn't mean that…

_"You've been around for a thousand years. There's no way you're going to disappear now. You'll stick around 'till the day I die. The truth is you just want to trick me in playing Go with you."_

No…!!

_"If you want to play, then play when you haunt the third guy or the fourth!!"_

NOOO!!

I screamed at the top of my lungs, my knees finally giving way, causing me to collapse on the floor. Tears finally streaked down my face as my shoulders trembled fiercely. My sobs echoed and I made no effort to conceal it. "Sai…" I muttered in between gasps. "It's my fault…" I wasn't allowed to keep him. Because I was selfish, he was taken away from me. And now, Touya was being taken away as well.

It hurts. My chest hurt. I couldn't breathe. Someone… Anyone… Please help me…

I stifled my sobs and I felt something warm against my cheek. I was afraid to open my eyes, but then I heard a familiar voice. "What's wrong, Hikaru? Do you hurt anywhere?" My eyes shot wide open and I found myself staring into Sai's soft and gentle gaze.

"S…ai…?" I whispered, unwilling to believe the apparition before me. He smiled warmly at me and I felt him massaging my cheek. With a shaky hand, I reached to cover his hand with mine, and I could've sworn I felt his heartbeat. "This is a dream, isn't it?" I said, realization dawning on me. He nodded. "You have to wake up pretty soon." "I don't want to…" I trailed off, avoiding his eyes. "If I do, you'll disappear again." The beautiful man pulled me into a tight embrace, and I felt the warmth of his white robes. He brushed away my tears with his sleeve, not letting me go for an instant. "Where do you hurt, Hikaru?" he asked. I brought his hand to my chest and answered, "Here."

"Why do you hurt there?"

"Because I hurt Touya the same way I hurt you."

"When was that?"

"I didn't listen. You were trying to tell me something, but all I thought about was myself."

I heard him sigh and then his hold on me loosened, but still kept me within reach. "When you love someone deeply, it cannot be helped that there will come a time that you will hurt that person as well as get hurt in the process." I rested my head on his chest, taking in his words that were filled with wisdom. "Because of that hurt, we tend to cower and submit to our fears. But if we do that, then the things we wish to convey will remain unheard. Don't be afraid of reality. Instead, accept it." "But…!" I tried to argue but was cut off by Sai's voice. "Hikaru, you know my feelings for you better than anyone. And I know yours. The thing that you want the most… What is it?"

I paused, hesitating for a moment. But the reassurance in his gaze gave me strength to confirm it. "I want Touya." He smiled down on me, as if already expecting that answer, and said, "Then reach out and grab him." I looked at him, confused and uneasy. Was it okay? Was it really okay…?

_To choose Touya over you…?_

"Hikaru," he spoke again as if being able to read my thoughts. "One person is born to exist for another, and that person for another. However…" He leaned forward and gently whispered something into my ear. His words caused my heart to melt and tears formed in my eyes again. "Do you understand, Hikaru?" he asked, pulling away from me. I nodded, my voice dying in my throat. "Sai…"

He gently lifted my head, descending on me again to place a chaste kiss on my forehead. "I will never disappear from you," I felt his breath blowing against my bangs. "I will always be here to watch over you and Touya…" I closed my eyes and, in a fleeting moment, felt a warm breeze brushing against my skin.

_"You will probably regret… someday… But even so… I wonder why my love for you increases each passing day, Hikaru."_

I opened my eyes at the sudden recollection, but Sai was nowhere to be found. I looked at my surroundings and discovered I was back in my room, rays of sunshine peaking through the curtains. It was morning already.

"Sai…" I remembered his smile, brighter than anything else.

I brought a hand to my cheek to where Sai had previously touched me. It felt warm. "Sai, is it really okay?" From the corner of my mind, I almost heard Sai retorting, "It's fine! I said so already!!"

A smile graced my lips – a genuine smile. I need to tell Touya something. This time, I'll do it properly. All these emotions that I couldn't convey, I think I can do so now. I know my feelings for Touya. I know it definitely. I'll tell him even if he's mad and doesn't want to speak with me again. I need to tell him the things I want to… no… _have_ to say.

It's fine as long as Sai is watching over us.

In a few minutes, I was already dressed and ready to go out.

With confidence brewing within me, I reached for the handle and opened the door that I had shut and tightly locked.

* * *

To be continued…

* * *

Watch out for next chapter. It's in Touya's POV!!

Next chapter: Affirmation! Hikaru and Touya meet again. Can the words that have been left unspoken; the feelings left unexpressed finally come to surface? The story is nearing its conclusion!


	6. Affirmation

MASSIVE UPDATE! The story is now complete!!

This is Chapter 6, Touya's POV if you may

**Disclaimer:** Hikaru no Go isn't mine. This fic is based on a doujinshi made by one of my favorite HikaGo doujin mangaka—Gyarandoh! I am not gaining profit from this.

**Warning:** Yaoi, OOC, angst, lemon

**

* * *

****BELONG**

**Chapter Six: Affirmation**

* * *

I felt horrible.

I never felt more miserable in my entire in a life. In just a flash of a moment, I had managed to destroy something precious to me.

The sun peaked from the window blinds, but I paid no heed to the warm glint penetrating my eyes. I had a match today with Zama-sensei for my fifth game in the Honinbo League. I know should get going, but my body refused to move. I seriously doubt if I'm even capable of thinking properly for today's match. I glanced around the room. Shindou's belongings still scattered on the floor, his pajamas among them. I got up from my sitting position, walked over to the pile and kneeled down to take the fabric into my hands. I brought it to my face, taking in the scent.

Shindou's scent…

Memories of yesterday's events flashed back into my head and I felt my hand drop. _What have I done?_ I wondered, from the depths of my heart, if I would ever be forgiven of this sin. But what could I do?

_What can I do when I'm terribly in love with you?_

Clutching his clothing near to my chest, I broke into silent sobs as tears streamed down my eyes. Shindou is the only person who can bring me to this sorrowful state.

_Touya!_

I perked at the sound of his voice. I turned around hoping to find him there, but all I saw was air. "Shindou…" I said to no one, and cuddled the fabric even closer. "Why?" I had asked him on the night he first stayed over in my apartment. "Why don't you resist me each time I kiss you?" "How about you?" he shot me a glance. "Why do you kiss me?"

"I don't know."

"Well, I don't know either."

"What's that? Stop copying me!"

"I'm not copying you. It's the truth!"

I glared at him, watching him pout in his childishness. "Maybe…" he said turning away from me." "Maybe it's because it's just a kiss, and I feel no need to resist." "Oh?" I asked in an amused tone. He quivered at my playful glance as I inched closer, slowly closing the gap between us. "Then would you resist if I did this?" I pushed him down on to the bed, hovering above him and trapping him in between the sheets. "Touya?" he blazed up in surprise, but I silenced him with a knee that rubbed his groin. "Wha…?" he groaned, submitting to the pleasure.

"You're unbelievable," I whispered into his ear, licking the edges. "Making me endure for so long while completely be unaware of my feelings." His eyes widened in amazement and I claimed his lips hungrily. Our tongues meshed together, lingering in each other's tastes. My hands brushed up his shirt, allowing me to feel his warm skin underneath. He surprisingly made little resistance. "Shindou?" I said, breaking the kiss for air. My knee continued its ministrations on his crotch, which I felt hardening though the cloth. I looked into his eyes as if asking for permission. My body was starting regardless of my logical reasoning.

I felt his hands perch on top of mine as he spoke softly, "Touya… I've never… done…" I mentally chuckled. He was more worried of his lack of experience other than the compromising situation we were in. "It's okay," I descended on to him, planting kisses on his neck. "It's also the first time for me so I don't know how to hold you properly but…" I traced the line of his jaw with my tongue. "But I've dreamt about it enough times to have a decent idea of how to do it." He blushed deeply, staining his cheeks. "I…" he whispered weakly. "I also don't know how to hold you properly but please hold me. Hold me tightly, Touya." "Shindou…" I allowed my full body weight to set on him as his arms wrapped around my shoulders. "You won't disappear, right?" he asked, as if wanting to confirm my existence. "I'm not going anywhere," I answered and rid him of his clothing. I did the same with mine, and I remember being completely basked in Shindou's radiance.

When the memory finally stopped flowing, tears were already streaming down my face like waterfalls.

_Come back to me, Shindou._

I didn't perform my best at the match. And try as I may to concentrate, I ended up doing one too many mistakes. As I expected, I couldn't think properly, and I began to wonder if this is what Ogata meant by "will someday destroy you." Indeed, I am nothing but a wreck without Shindou in my life. From the time I met him up to the present, all I have done was pursue him and lay down some markers for him to follow me as well. Seeing that there was no way I could come back from my pitiful situation, I bowed my head and resigned.

I dragged my feet down the hallway, ignoring the reporters from _Go Weekly_ and other professionals who had wanted a word with me. In a normal player's eye, they'd think that I played an exquisite game. But if only they knew how hard I struggled with First Hand alone.

"Touya…"

My head perked again at the sound of a familiar voice. I sighed and wondered if I was going to have another intense flashback. "Touya," the voice called out again. I finally turned around to meet Shindou's eyes looking stern and determined. His presence there surprised me. In despair, I had thought that he'd never want to see me again. I waited in silence, anticipating his next words. I expected him to say something like "I hate you" or "I don't ever want to see you again," but his expression held no malice whatsoever. "What is it?" I asked, feeling time stop just for the both of us. "We need to talk," he spoke sincerely. "Talk?" The words replayed in my head over and over again. "Mn," he nodded. "Do you have time?"

I was inwardly grateful for the approach, but I was worried of what the topic of our conversation would be. _Would he break up with me?_ "Yeah, I have time," I answered. It wasn't a lie. I had intended to go to the Go Salon after the match to blow some steam off in a friendly game with Kitajima and the others. But that could wait. This is much more important. "Then can we go to your place?" "My place?" I asked astonished at the fact he wanted to venture into my territory, especially after what happened yesterday. "Yup, your place," he smiled brightly at me. "We can talk freely there." My eyes narrowed a bit. "All right."

_What on earth are you thinking?_

It was about dusk when we reached my apartment. We hastened through the door, brushing off the cold. He took off his jacket and plopped it on the sofa, while I hid mine in the closet. "Can you wait a bit?" I said. "I can go and prepare some tea, or do you prefer coffee?" "Nah, I'm fine," he said, taking a seat adjacent to me. "I just want you to listen to what I have to say." Here it comes, I thought.

I looked at his face, serene, and his hands clasping together. "Where should I start," he voiced his thoughts. "Maybe I should first apologize, right? I'm sorry, Touya." His words took me aback. "What are you… I'm the one who…" my voice broke. That's right. The image of Shindou crying, eyes filled with terror, and his body trembling in fear and in ecstasy has been burned into my eyes.

"That's not it," he added. In my head, I could still see him squirming against my touch as I slid his shirt off his shoulders. "I was the one who drove you to do it." I had taken him in my mouth, ignoring his protests and paying no heed to his shivering form. "And I wasn't referring to what happened yesterday." I pushed myself into him, sending heavy thrusts into his body neglecting his whimpers of pain. "I'm sorry, Touya…" I reached my climax inside him, and arched his body, forcing him to take in all my seed. "I'm sorry for always pushing you aside." The image continued to replay in my head, drowning me in a sea of guilt that had overtook my moment of lust.

"Touya…"

I felt his hand gently grabbing mine. I looked at him intently, gazing into his clear eyes. Am I being forgiven? "There's something I need to say to you," he lifted our palms and had our fingers interlace one another. It was a gentle act that made my heart wrench. "There are things that have to be said in words to properly convey them." I watched as he closed his eyes, his brows knitting into a pained expression. "We'd be idiots if we disagree, and become pessimistic and eventually lose what was meant to be ours."

"Shindou?"

He opened his eyes and looked at me with seriousness and sincerity.

"I love you."

His words brought a stunned expression to my face, my eyes widening at the sudden confession. _This is the first time you've said those words to me._ "I don't think I can tell you everything yet," he admitted. "But because I love you, I want you to know something very important." He paused and took a deep breath of air. I waited patiently for him to continue as he opened his heart to me. "Because of my selfishness, I lost someone very dear to me," his voice breaking, and I thought he was about to cry. But he didn't relent.

"He was always with me. Wherever I go… even in my dreams he stayed with me. Having him around just felt so natural. It felt so natural that he was there. It felt so natural that he existed for me. You could say that he was my first love. But because he was always there, I never thought that he would disappear. When he did, I felt my world crumble."

I saw him cringe at his own words, and l leaned forward, giving him support. His face against my chest, I wrapped one arm around his shoulder to console him. I felt his hands digging into the fabric at my back, his body beginning to tremble.

"Ever since then, I thought that if I gain something important, I might lose it if I hold it too dear to my heart. Despite the happiness I feel when I'm around you, I'm afraid I might lose you – that you might disappear from my sight like he did. I'm afraid that you'll leave me to wallow in my self-pity and resentment."

I closed my eyes, taking in each word. "Shindou…" What words could I possibly say to soothe him? "Do you find it strange?" he said, tightening his clasp on me. "I thought that it would be less painful to not have it, rather than to obtain it and eventually lose it in the end." I felt him softly break away from me, setting a short distance between us. "But that's not true, isn't it Touya?" He looked at me with watery eyes and a brilliant smile. "So please let me say it again. I love you, Touya."

I sighed at him and leaned forward, causing our foreheads to meet. What I could do to him… What I could do for him… I already knew that from the beginning. "Shindou," I breathed against his lips. "Don't look at me like that. You already know I love you. You… Only you…"

His eyes widened a bit, and then shut tightly, tears forming at the rim. "Say it one more time," he whispered softly as if his entire existence depended on hearing those words again. "I love you, Shindou." "One more time," he pleaded. "Please Touya…" I kissed his forehead gently, taking in his scent before murmuring softly, "I love you." Finally, I felt his tears falling.

I took him into my arms, having him straddle my waist, and gently rocked him to my heart's beat. "Touya," he kissed my cheek, and I returned the action, tasting his salty tears. "Shindou," I breathed deeply, my hands slipping inside his shirt, and then exploring his bare back. "Kiss me," he pleaded and I obliged, licking his bottom lip. His lips parted, allowing me entrance and I took in his taste.

From his back, my hands moved lower to grope his behind in circular motions. Then it traveled to the front of his pants where it fumbled with his zipper. He reciprocated by undoing the buttons of my shirt, not breaking off the kiss. When we finally released each other's lips, I looked deeply into his eyes; my hands somehow found its way in his pants and began stroking his groin. He let out a sudden gasp and I immediately pulled out my hand.

"Don't stop," he breathed out.

I regarded him for a moment and spoke, "Are you sure? If I continue, I won't be able to stop." He wrapped his arms around my neck, pulling me closer to him. "I don't want you to stop. Not now… Not ever…"

I nodded and took him in my arms. I led him to the bedroom where we hastily discarded whatever clothing we had left on. Taking in the naked sight of him, I kissed him passionately on the lips, before I trailed my tongue down his body, hitting a few sensitive spots.

All I remember after that were his coarse breathing, and the continuous moans of my name.

"Touya…"

* * *

To be continued…

* * *

Actually, this is can already be the last chapter coz it pretty much brought them back together. But then I began thinking… "Where's the make-up sex?" Hence, the next chapter.

Final chapter: Resolution! Do I really need to explain what happens there?


	7. Resolution

MASSIVE UPDATE! Read chapter 6 first. This one's in Hikaru's POV.

**Disclaimer:** Hikaru no Go isn't mine. This fic is based on a doujinshi made by one of my favorite HikaGo doujin mangaka—Gyarandoh! I am not gaining profit from this.

**Warning:** Yaoi, OOC, angst, lemon

**

* * *

****BELONG**

**Chapter Seven: Resolution**

* * *

My talk with Touya went surprisingly well. I didn't lie about anything, and there were instances when I thought I'd die with shame. But he had taken me into his arms, consoling me and drying my tears. I felt my heart pounding as I felt a sudden heat rising at the pit of my stomach. His hands, whether unconscious or intentional, strategically placed themselves at my bottom area, causing wild sensations to run through my body. My body responded on its own by undoing the buttons of his shirt. My hands burned at the warmth of his bare chest.

"Kiss me."

I had pleaded with him like a child wanting candy. I found my action quite surprising since, in all the time we made love, I had never begged for his touch. But now, I felt that if I didn't get it, I might die.

His hand that was stroking my crotch, rendering it erect, pulled out of my half-open pants. I hissed at the sudden break of contact, and I latched myself on to his neck. "Don't stop," I murmured. He took it into consideration and asked me, "Are you sure?" I gave my answer, "I don't want you to stop. Not now… Not ever…"

_I don't want you to stop loving me._

We headed for the bedroom in a tangle of arms. He pushed me against the door and hastily took off my shirt, anxious to reclaim my lips. I felt his hands pushing my pants, along with my boxers, down my legs. I stepped out of them then saw Touya kick it away from sight. I pressed up against him, feeling his firm body and the door trapping me in between. I felt Touya's clothed erection pressing against my own, and the excitement began to curl my toes.

He reached around me to grip me from behind, pressing our groins together. My body reacted by thrusting and rubbing against him, sending jolts of pleasure throughout our bodies. I felt desire beginning to choke me, but Touya was the first to voice his pleasure.

Right from the beginning, I had already sensed Touya's aggressiveness and eagerness. But he kept his touches as gentle as possible, probably trying not to scare me like yesterday. I wiped away his anxiety as I tugged on his pants, silently telling him to take it off. He nodded; sweat forming at the bridge of his brows. He quickly discarded his clothes and I got a full view of his naked flesh.

He grabbed my hand and shoved me to the bed where l landed on my back. Something in my stomach began to flutter as I felt him trace my body with lust-filled eyes. Touya crawled over to me, hands and knees supporting his body, as he hovered above me. The hungry expression on his face brought a pink stain to my cheeks and I felt my legs instinctively part, allowing him to settle in between.

"Shindou…"

He spoke my name with such passion, and I felt him rest his body weight on top of me. He kissed me hard on the lips, his tongue darting out for entrance. I opened my mouth to take a gasp of air, but he took that as permission and pushed his tongue in to play with mine. His kiss, however, did not distract me from the sudden friction I felt grinding against my groin. He released my lips and craved for my neck, licking and biting, leaving his marks.

"Ha…" I wheezed, the excitement beginning to overtake me. But I knew this wasn't the extent of Touya's passion. I felt his hard erection rubbing against mine, and I found it amazing that he was still able to maintain self-control. Hot seed leaked from both our arousals, staining my abdomen. He traced it with his finger then brought it to his lips, licking it to take in both of our tastes.

"Shindou…" he called my name again.

I looked at him with half-lidded eyes. Beads of sweat trickled down my neck. Finally, I spoke, "I want you… Touya…" He breathed in deeply, a smile tainting his lips. He leaned back down to kiss my forehead as he finally resolved not to hold back anymore.

Not his lust…

Not his feelings…

He maneuvered his body so that I was facing his hard erection. "Go ahead," he said with a heavy breath. Slowly and nervously, I took him in my mouth, filling my throat with strange sensations. This was the first time I had braved such a thing. "G…ah!" he panted as he arched his head backwards. Something inside me found it satisfying that I was able to extract that kind of reaction from him.

"Sh…Shindou…" he wheezed as he drove himself into my mouth. I felt his tip poking the inside of my cheeks, and I didn't hold back a moan. He leaned forward, hands supporting his body, as he also took my length into his mouth, and I felt my body jerk at his hot breath.

Since he always took the dominant role, he was much better at it than I am. He had definitely memorized the rhythms of my body as he pulled his mouth in and out with every swing of my waist. I tried hard to remove my thoughts from the pleasures his mouth was giving me and concentrate on the hard arousal that occupied my tongue. Knowing of my inexperience, he humped his hips to find pleasure within the wet confines of my mouth.

I let out a loud moan as he quickened his movement of both his mouth and hips. "Mm…nn…" I was close to releasing.

Realizing my situation, he quickly drew his head back. I hissed as my shaft came into contact with the cold air. He too removed himself from my mouth, replacing it with his lips. Through that kiss, we tasted each other. I noted that Touya had a spicy flavor.

I panted for air, waiting when Touya's next touch would come. After a few moments, I still hadn't felt it. I brought myself to a sitting position, facing him, with a questioning look on my face. As if reading my thoughts, he said, "Not yet. I don't want it to end so soon yet." He waited until my breathing lowered and the desire to release suddenly vanished. When I had finally calmed down, he kissed me deeply again.

"Ready?" he asked.

"For what?" I questioned.

A devious smile appeared on his lips. "I have to prepare you."

"Wha…?"

Before I could react, he took my length into his mouth and pumped the base with one hand. "Tou…" I trailed off, unable to utter the last syllable. I plopped down on my back, getting a view of Touya stroking his own erection. He let my arousal go, and pushed my thighs apart, widening the gap. I peeked at him, wondering what he was going to do when I felt his hands separating the cheeks of my entrance. After that, I felt his wet tongue slither in me, my muscles contracting.

"Ah! Wa…ah!!"

I bucked my hips unable to contain my unusual pleasure. He continued to pull his tongue in and out, causing me to clasp on to the sheets tightly. "You're hot," he stated as a matter-of-factly. I glared at his sarcasm. "Brilliant observation, Sherlock." "What, no sense of humor?" he ducked his head again, taking my manhood one more time. "Not in his situation," I replied, wincing when I felt one finger enter me.

"Da…!! Fu…u…!!" my breaths became faster when I felt that finger drive itself into me with the same rhythm Touya did on my throbbing shaft.

I tried to focus more on the pleasure Touya's mouth gave me, and not on the pain the intruding finger did. A couple of thrusts later, I felt myself loosening in his grasp. I nudged his shoulder, indicating I was ready to accept another. A second finger joined the first one, and I jolted up. _It doesn't hurt_, I said to myself. _This is tolerable._ I rocked my hips, following the rhythm, feeling the walls inside me being stretched. Afterwards, a wave of pleasure overtook the pain.

"Don't… Don't tease…" I breathed out.

I could feel Touya's smirk. He removed his fingers and got up to face me. He took me by the hip and had me straddle him. He waited for my reaction. I frowned as I noticed the playful glint in his eyes. _Stupid_, I thought. _He wants me to do it._ With a shaky hand, I grabbed hold of his length and guided it to my entrance. I blushed darkly, noticing my brave actions. Touya's smirk widened and lowered my hips on to him. I felt the head enter me and I squeaked.

"Just hold on to me," he whispered to my ear. I wrapped my arms around his back as his hands gripped me tighter and forced me down, taking him inside me. I yelped in pain, not holding my voice back. I sunk my fingers into his flesh, my nails digging into his skin as tears formed at the rim of my eyes. "Kya…!"

It was a while before he entered me fully. I felt his hands drawing circles on my back in reassurance. He licked the sides of my cheek, kissing away my tears. "You're so tight," he said in a voice filled with drunken haze. "You okay?" I nodded in reply. "Mo…move…" I gasped out, wondering why I was suddenly encouraging his actions. Before I had always remained silent and allowed him to do as he pleases. But now I was encouraging and partaking in this heated development.

He pushed me back on to the bed and grabbed my outer thighs. With sweat dripping from the side of his jaw, he thrust himself into me. I felt my walls collide, embracing the hard intruder tightly. "Hah!!" I moaned loudly and clutched the sheets as tightly as possible. He must've found pleasure in my unreservedness to hold my voice back. He thrust in harder and deeper, filling me with feelings of both pain and pleasure.

"To…Touya…" I uttered in between gasps. "Ah… More!!" I surprised myself with my desire, as he obliged, hammering himself into me, pounding me hard against the mattress. He took hold of my erection with one hand and began to pump it with a rhythm that danced alongside my heartbeat. I gasped in ecstasy as I felt my seed leaking out and dripping on to his hand.

"Shindou…"

Touya's voice was rasp. With our conjoined bodies, I felt someone's heart pounding hard against the ribcage. I wondered if it was Touya's or mine. It could even be both of us. I moaned louder, repeating his name in rapid successions. I was close.

Time stilled as I felt the room spinning, my vision turning blurry. In the next moment, a river of warmth began to flow and spray against my stomach and Touya's hand. He continued to pump me, and I felt it. With a tight grip on the mattress, I arched backwards and screamed out loud.

"Ha…ah…a… AKIRA!!"

I came into a world bursting with stars.

I felt myself go limp in his hand. "Hikaru…" he breathed out and continued thrusting inside me. His movement quickened with every passing moment and I felt heat sipping into me. "Ha…ah… KYAAA!!" I felt his warm seed pouring into me, drowning me in an ocean of warmth.

After that, he collapsed down on me, our sweat-covered chests meeting. He kissed me deep and passionately as I felt his hands draw comforting circles at my sides. I closed my eyes and kneaded my fingers on the crescent marks my nails left on his back. He drew back for a breath of air, and returned to hungrily claim my lips. I felt him lift his waist to remove his softened flesh from me. I winced a bit then I felt him settle down back on top of me. All the while, he didn't release my lips. The kiss was wet and messy, but still intense.

When the kiss ended, he flopped down next to me. My eyelids grew heavy and shut close as sleep threatened to take me, exhausted from the recent activity. After a few heavy breaths, I felt Touya get off the bed. A minute later, a wet cloth was rubbing over my skin, gently cleaning the mess off, but I didn't open my eyes. An arm slipped under my hips and pulled me up. A dry towel was placed over the wet spot on the mattress, and I felt myself gently being laid back. The next sensation I felt was of Touya's body beside mine, pulling me close. A blanket was then pulled over to cover our naked bodies.

"Shindou…" I heard Touya murmur. His ragged voice seemed so far away.

I returned the gesture, snuggling close to him, our hands interlacing. I allowed sleep to take over as my legs tangled around his. I felt his warm breath upon my nose as I realized he too had lulled off to his sleep.

We dozed off, not caring to notice that in the height of our climax, we had called each other by our first names.

I awoke to the sound of running water. I opened my eyes slightly to see the bedroom door ajar. The spot beside me was empty but still warm. _Touya hasn't been gone long._ I moved myself against the sheets, wincing at the slight ache that suddenly jolted up my spine. I brought a hand to massage the pain in my back. After all the effort of trying to move, all I could do was sit up. I rubbed my hands at my shoulders, shivering to the cold. I was already feeling the cold climate due to my body cooling down.

In a few moments, I heard footsteps walking down the hallway, and then I saw Touya emerge from the doorframe clad in his bathrobe, and a glass of water in his hand. "Oh, you're awake," he said and moved closer to me. "Yeah," I responded, rubbing my eyes. "What time is it?" I noticed the apparent darkness of the room with the bedside lamp being the only source of light. "Ten in the evening," he answered blatantly, sipping at the glass.

"What?!" I exclaimed. I tried to get up again, but was stopped by the stinging pain in my back. "I can't believe I slept that long. I didn't even get to eat dinner." "I know," he replied. "And here I was having a carnal craving." I blushed at his words, to which he smirked broadly. Clearly, it was his intent to make his words sound dual in meaning.

"Here," he offered the half-drunken glass of water. "Thirsty?" I accepted and took in the cool liquid in several gulps. When I was finished, I handed the glass back to him, which he placed on the bedside table. I yawned and stretched my arms. "Still sleepy?" he asked. "Yeah," I nodded. I watched him slide his robes off his shoulders, giving me a view of his naked body, causing me to gulp. He caught my reaction and said, "Don't tell me this is getting you turned on." "Sh…Shut up!" I retorted, grabbing the blanket and covering myself with it. I lay back on the bed, my back facing him.

"How cute," I heard him speak then I felt the bed shift with the extra weight. I felt Touya's arm slither around me, forcing me to face him. "Still so shy after those countless nights of passion…" I blushed a crimson red. His smile caused my heart to skip a beat, and I realized just how beautiful Touya looked. I snuggled against his chest, feeling his own heartbeat soft and warm.

This felt right. No doubt about it. This is what's right. Regardless of what other people say…

I know my own feelings better than anyone. And right now… against Touya's chest… I felt my feelings becoming stronger than before.

"Touya…"

"What is it?"

"You think one of these days you'll let me be on top?"

A pause. Then…

"When you finally manage to beat me in an official match, and catch up in rank."

"Then you better bet your sorry self that I will."

"That's not going to happen because I'm going to make sure that I'm always one step ahead of you."

"Hey!"

A silence reigned over us for a moment before I heard him speak again. "Shindou," his voice was like a whisper. "You're mine, right?" I nodded into his chest. "Then…" he continued. "Whose am I?" I looked up to take a glance at his face. I saw him with his eyes closed mischievously, his lips curved into a fox-like grin. His facial expression caused my face to blush furiously. I lifted my self from the bed so that I was hovering him. I leaned down and kissed him on the lips. In the back of my mind, I remembered Sai whispering against my ear.

"One person is born to exist for another, and that person for another. However… The moment when two people begin to exist for each other, that is when Love is born."

I ended the kiss, longing for air. I settled back against Touya's chest as his strong arms wrapped around me. Underneath the blanket, our legs tangled once again.

"You belong to me," I finally answered.

The following day, I officially moved in with Touya.

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**The End **

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That's not entirely the end. There's a sidestory after this. It's in Waya's POV, by the way. I wonder if anyone got the hint in chapter 5…


	8. Extra Story: Waya's Day

MASSIVE UPDATE! Read chapter 6 first.

Sidestory!! Waya's POV!! This chapter completes BELONG!!

**Disclaimer:** Hikaru no Go isn't mine. This fic is based on a doujinshi made by one of my favorite HikaGo doujin mangaka—Gyarandoh! I am not gaining profit from this.

**Warning:** Yaoi, OOC, angst, lemon

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BELONG

**Extra Chapter: Waya's Day**

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Parties are fun. I was always the type who enjoyed having fun. That's the whole point of parties.

This year, the institute had planned a Christmas Party, but as expected, not everyone was able to attend. The room was filled with top Go players, all at least above 5-dan, not to mention the titleholders. I felt a little out of place there, considering that I'm still a young pro. Come to think of it, our group really felt out of place. We were the only young ones in our late teens there.

Across the room, I caught sight of Touya speaking with Ashiwara. He looked as if belonged. That didn't surprise me too much. Touya was always prim and proper, always handling whatever situation it is. He seemed like a natural. That annoyed me. Touya Akira's whole existence seemed to annoy me.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

I glanced at my side and saw Shindou holding out a glass of punch to me. "Thanks," I muttered and accepted it. I took a sip and noticed the wide grin plastered on my short friend's face. "You didn't spike this or anything?" I asked warily. "What?!" he retorted. "Waya, it hurts me that you think I'd poison you. Matricide is illegal, you know." I choked. "Stop calling me your mother!" He broke into a chuckle and I couldn't help but laugh as well.

"You doing okay?" I asked, changing the topic. He beamed at me and nodded. "With Touya?" I added. He blushed a crimson red, and that was enough for me to get the picture. "Listen, Waya," he said. "Thank you. That day when you came to my house and listened to me, it helped me a lot. You're really a great friend."

I felt my cheeks flushing. I put a hand around his neck and pulled him to me. "Stop that," I said, my voice shaking. I held him tightly against me and spoke, "It's embarrassing. Do that again and I'll get back at you a hundred times more." "Yeah, right," he whined at my grasp. "Remember I have an undefeated record in your study sessions." "Like that will last long!" I ruffled his hair causing him to squirm. Later we broke into laughs. From the corner of my eye, I noticed Touya looking at us with a blank face.

When we lined up for food at the buffet table, I glanced around just by sheer reflex and I saw Touya looking eagerly at us. Or rather, at Shindou. I frowned. _What does he want?_ "Let's go sit down," I heard my shorter companion say. I nodded at him and led him to a table in the corner where Isumi-san and the others were already waiting for us.

I glanced behind my back and again saw Touya staring at us. He didn't budge from his spot until Ogata-sensei came and led him to their table. It's probably my imagination but maybe Touya was hoping that Shindou would sit with him.

_As if that would happen!!_

Shindou's already spending enough time with him! I've barely seen the guy these past few weeks, and I'm his best friend or big brother, whatever you call it! I felt doing something childish like sticking out my tongue at Touya, especially when Shindou took a seat right next to mine. But, unfortunately, I fought back that urge.

After a few bites, I shot Shindou a glare, who was trying to steal a few croquettes I had on my plate. "Get your own!" "But the line's too long!" I hated it when he whined. He looked childishly cute. I pierced one piece with my fork and lunged it into his mouth, silencing him. "You're too loud." He chewed on the piece and choked on it for a few times.

"If you're going to feed me, feed me properly," he said, pounding his chest. I sighed heavily. I can never really win against him. I took my glass of water and helped him drink it, downing it in huge gulps. When he was finished, he let out a heavy gasp and said, "Thanks, Waya. This glass doesn't have your spit on it, does it?" I glared at him.

"You're not going to get a virus from drinking off my glass," I spoke and proceeded to ruffle his hair again. I heard a loud clank of utensils and when I looked at the other table, I saw Touya with his sharp eyes burying themselves in me.

I resisted yet another urge to snicker.

The rest of the dinner was spent in silence, except for the occasional outburst courtesy of Shindou. We would laugh at his antics and his jokes, not matter how lame they sounded. "Shindou, I've heard you already moved out of your house," Isumi, who was sitting across us, spoke.

"Yeah," came the reply. "About a few weeks ago. I'm bunking in with Touya right now."

"Touya?" came the amused tone of the older boy. "Well, that explains why the both of you arrived together. I knew it seemed fishy that you were actually early for a change."

When Isumi finished his sentence, a loud "HEY!" was heard from our table and we burst out laughing. "I guess the rumors are true then," Honda spoke out. "The rumors about you and Touya, I mean." Shindou looked puzzlingly at him and asked, "What do those rumors say anyway?" Honda waved his hand in dismissal. "Oh nothing. Reality is better than fiction, after all."

Not grasping the meaning, Shindou engaged himself in a conversation with the two elder boys. I, on the other hand, resumed to finishing my meal quietly. I glanced over at Shindou and I felt my chest tightening.

"_Have you ever loved two people at the same time, not knowing who to choose?"_

I winced at the recollection. I took a sip from my glass. When I realized it was on the exact same spot where Shindou had placed his lips earlier, I immediately drew the object away from me – a pink stain on my cheeks. Shindou looked absolutely radiant tonight.

A few weeks ago, I was slightly worried about him, especially since it considered Touya. But he seems to be doing fine now. To be honest, I was quite shocked when I heard that he was moving out, not that I mind, but he was going to live with Touya. Of all people!! Then again, Shindou already has a complex relationship with the said boy. That's pretty much evident with the amount of time they spend together.

It was just a few days ago he came to me asking if I could cook or know anyone who could teach him. I was really surprised. "You mean you actually want to cook something aside from instant ramen?" I had said. He looked at him with crossed arms and replied, "Well, Touya does all the cooking. And I wanted to do something special for him."

"Then why not put on an all-nighter?"

He blushed furiously and avoided my gaze. "Wouldn't he love to play Go with you all night?" I asked, slightly confused.

"Oh, Go," he perked up. "Yeah… Go…" He chuckled nervously, but the pink stain on his cheeks answered my questions.

As of late, whenever I see Shindou during matches and study sessions at my place, he's always wearing mufflers or turtleneck sweaters, which I found odd. "Maybe a muffler, but turtleneck?" I approached him before with curiosity. "Has Touya completely influenced your wardrobe now?" He grinned broadly, a dazed expression in his eyes. "It's a bit hot," he wheezed, lifting the collar a bit to let some cool air in. "Of all times for the heater to actually work."

I peered in for a quick glance at his flesh. I saw red marks on his neck and, I realized, if I look close enough, his jaw was also outlined with marks. I pulled out a tube of salve from my bag and handed it to him. "Here," I said, avoiding his gaze with my face fully flushed. "It helps with bruises, scars and hickeys." He blushed again, this time it extended all the way to his ears.

"You and Touya manage to coexist in your apartment?" Saeki-san asked Shindou, knocking me out of my contemplations. "Yeah," came the cheerful reply. "We're doing great, better than before." I glanced at his neck. There weren't any this time. But I got the feeling that Touya must've left some somewhere else where it can easily be covered. "I can imagine that," I spoke out, putting emphasis on my words.

As expected, Shindou turned bright red and shot his attention at me. "Waya!" he noticed the meaning behind my words. I chuckled and lifted my palm to pat his head again. "You're really cute when you're annoyed, Hikaru-chan!" I nearly sang the last part. He grasped my hand, trying to remove it from his head. I just love teasing him.

Somewhere in the room, I felt eyes boring at the back of my head. I turned to see Touya's cold eyes glaring at me from their table. Seated with him were Ogata, Ashiwara, and some other pros that I only knew by face. I knit my brows together, trying to return his glare, but something in his sharp eyes was threatening me. Who would be the first to waver, I wondered. Fortunately for me, Ogata brought a hand to Touya's shoulder, tearing him away from our glaring contest. _I win_, I inwardly smirked and turned my attention back to my seatmate with blonde bangs.

When dinner was over, the room was once again filled with laughter and friendly conversations. Suddenly, the lights deemed and a soft music filled the air. Some of the female pros squealed with glee. Taking some of the men by the arm, they led them to the center of the room and began to sway to the music. I noticed that there was a considerable large group of women flocking around Ogata who just seemed suave about the whole thing.

Another squeal led my eyes to the person next to Ogata. There was Touya crowded with a horde of women, each asking if they could dance with him. He looked really troubled and was trying to decline each of them politely. I snickered. Serves him right. But then again, he was _still_ surrounded with women regardless of whether he liked the attention or not. I began to flare up.

Why do good things always happen to him?

"Waya," I felt Shindou tugging my sleeve. "I think I drank too much punch. I'll just go to the men's room, okay?" I raised my eyebrows. "And you're telling me this because…" "Because you're lately freaking out whenever I disappear from the room." He said it flatly like he was just stating a fact. Well, the truth is I have been fussing over him a lot these days. I watched him disappear behind the doorframe. I gave a heavy sigh. Being around Shindou is really wearing me out.

"Anything wrong, Waya?" Isumi asked me. I shook my head in reply. He cupped his chin in his hand and studied me closely. I shivered under his gaze. 'W-What?" I asked, stammering. I saw his lips curve into a grin and his eyes flickered. "You're in love, aren't you?" "WHAT?!" I bolted from my seat. "I-Isumi-san! What makes you think…" He chuckled at my response, and I realized he was using my reaction to confirm it.

_Damn. Was it that obvious?_

"Oho, take a look at that," I heard Saeki say in an amused tone. I looked at where his finger was pointing, and I saw Touya on the dance floor with a pretty girl in his clutch. They were moving and swaying to the slow music. "What'd you think Shindou will do if sees this?" he spoke again. "Be furious? Throw a fit? Or stomp out of the room?" Ochi tried to supply. I rolled my eyes in annoyance. "He'll just laugh and probably shout "go Touya!" or something like that," I answered.

The young boy nudged his big round frames and looked at me. "Really? I thought he and Touya were involved." I shot him an arrogant look. "Well, you don't know Shindou like I do, mushroom head." He slammed his palms on the clothed table and snapped, "Don't call me that!" "Waya!" Isumi called my attention. "We're here to have fun, not to fight amongst ourselves." I loosened a bit under Isumi's gaze.

I placed my hands in my pocket and walked out of the room to cool off my head. It wasn't my intent to get on Ochi's bad side, but he had just said something that I wasn't really in a mood to hear.

I peeked through the doorframe and saw Touya smiling warmly at the cute girl he was dancing with. But he also didn't hide the fact that he somehow wanted the dance to end. I wondered how that girl was able to get Touya to dance with her, but then my eyes wandered to Ogata who had a smug look on his face.

_That explains it._

I saw how his right hand was holding the girl's hand and his left hand wrapped around her waist. I could see the dreamy look in her eyes as she tilted her head upwards. Touya's smile didn't waver and he just continued to dance with her.

I mentally slapped myself. _Doesn't that guy know anything? It's obvious she wants him to kiss her._

But even so, the idea of Touya Akira, the well-composed reserved guy who didn't seem to have a social life, was dancing with a girl seemed very cute. I chuckled. From a third person's point of view, they looked like a very good couple. "Maybe Shindou _will_ throw a fit if he sees this," I thought loudly.

"If I see what?"

I jerked at the voice behind me. I turned and saw Shindou looking at me with big curious eyes. A silence reigned over us, and it was beginning to get awkward. Thankfully, he was the one who broke it. "What're you doing out here?" "Huh? Oh," I trailed off, scratching the back of my head. "It was getting stuffy in there so I came out here to breathe." The light of the moon illuminated the darkened hallways. And then I thought that Shindou looked good with the moon. It seemed to highlight his golden bangs.

"Waya," he broke my thoughts. "You want to dance with me?" I gaped at him. "What?" "C'mon," he urged. Then I realized that the music had changed from the slow pace to the fast songs. I looked at Shindou, his hand outstretched and a huge smile on his face. I smiled back at him and accepted his hand, allowing him to lead me back into the room.

Inside, Shindou and I moved to the beat. We were joined by a few others, but the old guys preferred to remain in their seats. My eyes scanned the area and I saw the cute girl dancing with Touya earlier seated with her friends.

Her shoulders moved up and down into a heavy sigh. She was talking with the other girls and my ears strained to catch bits and pieces of their conversation. "In the end I couldn't do it," I heard her say. "I was giving all the signals I could but he really seemed disinterested." I tried to listen more, but I didn't realize that I had stopped moving altogether. The couple that was dancing behind me bumped into me, causing me to fall forward.

Just when I thought I was about to fall face first on the floor, a warm body caught me and held me in support. I instinctively wrapped my arms around him as I tried to regain my balance. "You okay, Waya?" Shindou asked, and I smelled his cologne. "Yeah," I answered but I didn't let go. I straightened myself up and looked at him straight in the eyes. My hands were on his shoulders, and we had stopped moving. I felt my heart pounding against my ribcage, and I swear my face was totally flushed.

"Shindou…" I spoke softly, my eyes filled with seriousness. I leaned a bit further down, just enough to hear me since the music was getting louder. "Shindou, I…" I stuttered. "I… lov…" I found it difficult to finish the sentence. He looked at me, confused at first, then into a knowing look. "Waya," he replied with a comforting smile. "Thank you. You're really such a good friend to me." I felt him place a hand on top of mine. "You're absolutely too good to be true. If you need help about anything, just don't hesitate to come to me, okay?"

His smile was really bright, causing my cheeks to turn red again. I sighed and smiled back. Removing my hands from him, I said, "Yeah. I will." I glanced beside us and saw Touya glaring daggers at me. I had half a mind to kiss Shindou to get on the guy's nerves. But my mature side got the better of me.

When the dance ended, Shindou and I withdrew to rest at our seats. But before we could sit down, I caught sight of Touya making his way towards us. Shindou didn't seem to notice him. Finally, Touya came upon us and quickly took hold of Shindou's arm. The shorter boy yelped in surprise. "Touya? What?" Touya looked coldly at me and yanked Shindou to come follow him. I wasn't really the nosy type, but I was a concerned friend.

_More like a mother_, I mentally added. I got up and followed them, making sure I wasn't seen.

I chanced on them in a deserted hallway and I heard their voices softly whispering. "Touya, what're you doing?" came Shindou's restrained yell. "Someone could walk by." "Even better," came the reply. Then I heard the muffled sounds of lips pressing against each other.

"Touya…" Shindou breathed.

"Don't resist," Touya's voice was commanding. "You've been ignoring me all evening. To top it all of, you were flirting around with that friend of yours."

"I wasn't flirting. I'm like that around everyone. Touya, are you jealous?"

"Yes, and you should be too. The girls back there wouldn't leave me alone and I even danced with one of them, thanks to Ogata-san. You should be infuriated. I'm yours, right?"

I heard Shindou chuckle. "You're the possessive one, not me. Besides, I give you enough attention at home, don't I? I thought that maybe, just for this party, you'd want to hang around other people. You really need a social life."

"Shut up," Touya gave a sharp growl and I heard Shindou suddenly moan and gasp for air. "T-Touya…" he panted. "Fine," the taller boy replied. "I'll let you off easy for now. But you're still getting punished for making me jealous." After those words were spoken, I heard Shindou whimper followed by suppressed moans. I scratched my head again. This was something private. _Very_ private. I decided to head back, flushing out thoughts of what Touya and Shindou are doing in the shadows.

The bell chimed, indicating it was eleven pm. Everyone was already feeling tired, and badly needed to crash down and sleep. Finally, each of us said our goodbyes, and the room began to dissipate with people. "You going too, Shindou?" asked Isumi. "How about a midnight game?" "No thanks," came his reply. "Touya and I are tired." The weird thing is, he looked as if he still had a lot of energy. Touya also seemed ready to go on for three more nights. But then, I noted the wrinkled shirts the both of them had, not to mention a bright red hickey on Shindou's neck that was barely covered by his tie, and made a conclusion of their other "plans".

I waved goodbye to them as well and watched them take a taxi. As they disappeared from sight, I stood there, almost glued to the spot. "Waya," I heard Isumi speak. "Mind if I crash at your pad for tonight?" I regarded his request for a bit, then nodded. "Sure." We hailed a taxi and gave it directions to my apartment. "I noticed something," Isumi spoke as soon the car began to move. "You danced with Shindou all night. That certainly earned you a glare from Touya Akira."

I glanced at him. "You noticed?" "Of course. I notice everything about you, Yoshitaka." His sudden use of my first name caused a blush to creep up my cheeks.

"You think Touya and Shindou are okay?" I asked.

"They'll be fine. Sure, the media will have field day on this, but so what? What matters is that they're happy. Everyone has a right to that, right?"

"Isumi-san, have you ever loved someone only to discover that person was in love with someone else?" My question came out of the blue.

"Yes," his answer came from a long silence. "You know what? I think Shindou and Touya went through a similar phase, that's why they're so happy now. Once they've resolved their feelings, things can only get better."

I felt his arm snaking around my head. "You're sleepy," he stated. It wasn't a lie. My head was already bobbing up and down due the drowsiness. The next thing I knew, I was leaning against his shoulder, his arm wrapped around me, and I was peacefully slumbering.

At that moment, I didn't bother thinking of anything else.

Not the events these past few weeks…

Not the fact that Shindou and Touya are probably back in their apartment, trapped in between sheets, doing various "activities"…

Not the fact that my heart had been broken then repaired just a few moments ago…

Nothing else other than the warm body sitting next to me…

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****THE END**

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And this is really the end of BELONG. I sincerely apologize for the long update, despite the fact that this was already finished long before I even posted it up on internet. Just goes to show how lazy I really am. ;

I think I wrote this at a time when Hikaru no Go was being aired in my country. My Korean friend who had watched and read both the manga and anime in her country told me it was a very good piece, so I decided to give it a try. I ended up getting hooked, and the rest is history. I think I even made a personal doujinshi of this… but I don't have a scanner so I never got it uploaded in the internet. It's not exactly work-safe so… well, you know…

This fanfic was inspired and based from the HikaGo doujinshi authored by Michiru Nanase and Yuna Watanabe of Gyarandoh. The title of the book is _Ibara no Umi Tsuki no Kanmuri_ (The Thorny Sea, The Crown of the Moon). If you want to see the original, or are just plain curious, visit my profile to get the link.

Please review!


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